Okay, so yesterday I was all proud of myself for taking accountability for myself and how I think, blah blah blah. Of course it would be the same day that I was patting myself on the back for a job well done when I got angry and hurt over something one of my friends said.
A few of my friends (ones that know we've been trying to get pregnant since last spring) are interested in heading up to the snow for some sledding with their kids. Since we went up last week, I emailed out a quick report about where we went, etc. Friend M wanted to know whether we were planning on sledding or snowboarding, so I replied that we were only planning on sledding (our daughter is too young for the slopes). Then Friend A sent me an email asking if there was a hidden meaning *wink* *wink* to my email saying that I was only planning on going sledding.
There was NO hidden meaning. Okay, yes, I'm pregnant, but wow, it really offended me that she would ask so coyly whether I am pregnant. She knows we've been trying with help for several months. And I haven't talked to her much about this, so maybe she doesn't know details about the treatments, but still I would expect her to understand that the process can be very painful and frustrating while you're going through it. And if you want to find out what's going on, this is NOT the way to do it.
What bothers me the most is that I just couldn't let it go. I replied to the email with a clipped "What? No." response, but I could not stop thinking about what she said.
So why am I so sensitive about this? I really want to know. I realize that I am totally overreacting, but it's obviously still bothering me if I'm writing about it a day later. When I found out I was pregnant, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and I thought I would easily merge into the land of the normal fertile population. My focus shifted a bit and I set my sights on the upcoming ultrasounds. But this...this threw me for a loop. Why would it bother me so much that someone I've known for 18 years makes an innocent (and hopeful) comment?
Ugh, sounds like it's time for some introspection.
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I think its normal to feel this way when we go through all that we have. I guess I would feel that she is entering a too personal territory and have no right asking these kind of questions, no matter how long you know them. If I want to tell you I'm planning to have kids or that I am pregnant its on me, don't seek me out, end of story. I get how you feel, this is so emotional and now that you are PG you have all the right to keep it to yourself and not to want to talk about it. ((hugs))
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