I am so lame. I forgot that a possible side effect of Clomid is thin uterine lining. Why, oh why, would I want to do an FET with a drug that could thin my uterine lining????? Argh.
I went in for my monitoring appointment this morning and my lining is 4.0mm. Not good for CD11. I had five measurable follicles between 12 and 17mm, plus several smaller. Apparently the lining is expected to be thicker when you have a 17mm follicle.
My doctor gave me three options:
1. Cancel the cycle now and try again next month
2. Add some Estrace to thicken the lining
3. Wait it out and see how things look in several days.
I'm going with option #3. I'm not seeing any symptoms that my body is anywhere near ready to ovulate and I don't see anything wrong with checking one more time in four or five days to see if things have progressed. I've never really had a monitoried Clomid cycle, so I don't really know what my body has done in the past, so I can't compare stats other than ovulation day, which I expect to come in a week. We'll see what happens.
I made an appointment for Thursday morning, so we'll see how that goes. In the meantime I have a lot of wrapping to do, so I guess I'll get on that. Happy Holidays!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Moving forward again
In retrospect, I don't know if that last post was an accurate representation of how I feel about this cycle. I seem to get these bursts of fear of the negative outcome, and then it goes away and is replaced by a more even keel state of mind. I know that I have options if this doesn't work and I just need to know what my limits are. I think that I hadn't really spent much time processing the failed IVF much since everything happened right before we went on vacation. And then once AF finally showed up again, I was thrown back into it.
At any rate, things have settled down again. I decided to do Clomid days 5-9, and today was CD7, so two more pills to take. I have read about how easy FET cycles are...and I must admit, it feels so luxurious taking Clomid. There's no pain, no needles and no side effects (for me, at least). All I need to do is put the bottle alongside my other vitamins so I don't forget to take it in the morning...and it's done!
Aside from the decision of whether to try naturally in addition to the FET, this cycle is really on the back burner for now with the holidays and Munchkin's birthday, which was on Friday. In that respect, it's really good timing. I'll definitely be ready to focus for the transfer after the new year. Two more days of work to get through. I am looking forward to the time off!
At any rate, things have settled down again. I decided to do Clomid days 5-9, and today was CD7, so two more pills to take. I have read about how easy FET cycles are...and I must admit, it feels so luxurious taking Clomid. There's no pain, no needles and no side effects (for me, at least). All I need to do is put the bottle alongside my other vitamins so I don't forget to take it in the morning...and it's done!
Aside from the decision of whether to try naturally in addition to the FET, this cycle is really on the back burner for now with the holidays and Munchkin's birthday, which was on Friday. In that respect, it's really good timing. I'll definitely be ready to focus for the transfer after the new year. Two more days of work to get through. I am looking forward to the time off!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Here we go again
My body must have been traumatized by the failed IVF cycle, because I had a 41 day cycle!
It seems like everything is back to normal though. AF showed up on Thursday and I had a baseline ultrasound Friday morning. Everything looked good, there were no cysts and I was cleared to begin a Clomid cycle for IUI or FET depending on when I ovulate. I need to trigger no earlier than the 26th (CD14) in order to fit in the FET. I think the timing should be okay based on how I have responded to Clomid in the past, but we'll see how it goes.
Right after AF arrived on Thursday, I started really thinking (and worrying!) about this FET. When I was doing the fresh cycle, I felt very positive about having a good outcome and although I forced myself to think about the possibility of it failing, I really expected it to work. When it did fail, the only silver lining that I could come up with was that now I wouldn't have to worry about discarding/donating any unused embryos. Kind of weak, I know.
I don't have that same confidence with this cycle, and the likelihood of failure looms large. If it doesn't work, it's back to another fresh cycle, which is something I hadn't considered as a likely scenario several months ago. I want to be optimistic and expect it to work, but it's just so hard (and probably not prudent). I only have one embryo and who knows, it may not even survive the thaw. I know that I shouldn't focus on that, since it's not in my control, but it's hard. I guess I'll just try to not think about this at all until I reach the first hurdle of not ovulating too early. I have a monitoring ultrasound scheduled for next Sunday. Until then, I wait.
It seems like everything is back to normal though. AF showed up on Thursday and I had a baseline ultrasound Friday morning. Everything looked good, there were no cysts and I was cleared to begin a Clomid cycle for IUI or FET depending on when I ovulate. I need to trigger no earlier than the 26th (CD14) in order to fit in the FET. I think the timing should be okay based on how I have responded to Clomid in the past, but we'll see how it goes.
Right after AF arrived on Thursday, I started really thinking (and worrying!) about this FET. When I was doing the fresh cycle, I felt very positive about having a good outcome and although I forced myself to think about the possibility of it failing, I really expected it to work. When it did fail, the only silver lining that I could come up with was that now I wouldn't have to worry about discarding/donating any unused embryos. Kind of weak, I know.
I don't have that same confidence with this cycle, and the likelihood of failure looms large. If it doesn't work, it's back to another fresh cycle, which is something I hadn't considered as a likely scenario several months ago. I want to be optimistic and expect it to work, but it's just so hard (and probably not prudent). I only have one embryo and who knows, it may not even survive the thaw. I know that I shouldn't focus on that, since it's not in my control, but it's hard. I guess I'll just try to not think about this at all until I reach the first hurdle of not ovulating too early. I have a monitoring ultrasound scheduled for next Sunday. Until then, I wait.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
The Yellow Zone
Today is CD 38 and I must say that I am relieved that this cycle is going on as long as it has. I can't believe it, but I may actually dodge the lab closure. I just need to ovulate no earlier than December 27 so that we can do a Day 6 transfer when the lab reopens on the 2nd.
I've entered what I am calling "the yellow zone" where it's feasible that I might ovulate by the 27th. I looked over my seven Clomid cycles and the two times I took it on days 5-9, I got a positive OPK on days 17 and 18. If AF were to show up Monday, then the 27th would be CD18. Finally, some good news. I would definitely feel much more comfortable to have a little more leeway on the timing and to be able to take the Clomid on days 4-8 (call me superstitious, but both my pregnancies were on cycles where I took it on days 4-8), so I won't complain if it takes a few more days for it to show up. I just hope that my body isn't so messed up that it's gone on strike!
So it's just a waiting game around here, which at this point, is just fine. It's giving me a chance to focus on getting ready for Munchkin's 5th birthday on Friday and the Christmas craziness that I am forcing myself to neglect until the birthday party is over on Saturday.
Hopefully AF will show up sometime this week and I can get an idea of what the next month will bring.
I've entered what I am calling "the yellow zone" where it's feasible that I might ovulate by the 27th. I looked over my seven Clomid cycles and the two times I took it on days 5-9, I got a positive OPK on days 17 and 18. If AF were to show up Monday, then the 27th would be CD18. Finally, some good news. I would definitely feel much more comfortable to have a little more leeway on the timing and to be able to take the Clomid on days 4-8 (call me superstitious, but both my pregnancies were on cycles where I took it on days 4-8), so I won't complain if it takes a few more days for it to show up. I just hope that my body isn't so messed up that it's gone on strike!
So it's just a waiting game around here, which at this point, is just fine. It's giving me a chance to focus on getting ready for Munchkin's 5th birthday on Friday and the Christmas craziness that I am forcing myself to neglect until the birthday party is over on Saturday.
Hopefully AF will show up sometime this week and I can get an idea of what the next month will bring.
Monday, December 3, 2012
December 3rd
Well, December 3rd has come and almost gone. CD32. Why is this of any importance? Well, this was the last day that AF could come if I wanted to fit in an FET this month before the end of year lab closure on Christmas Eve. Crap.
I was planning on doing a Clomid cycle for the FET to ensure ovulation, but on my seven Clomid cycles in the past I have only once ovulated as early as day 14, with most cycles being day 16, 17 or 18. What other options are out there for "medicated" cycles and do things progress faster than natural cycles?
Unfortunately, I have no idea where I am in my cycle. I don't think I have ovulated and I can't tell if my body has given up and AF will show up in a day or two, or whether it will hold out until next week and I might have a chance to do the FET right after the new year. I really have no idea where I am in my cycle. I am cheering for the 40 day cycle.
As an alternative, I had contemplated jumping back into another fresh cycle as a way to not waste December if the timing doesn't work out, but if IVF #2 didn't work, then I would have to sit out another month afterwards while my body reset before any FETs. So I think my plan is to do the FET as soon as possible and if that is not successful (fingers crossed that the BFN on the fresh cycle was just a fluke), then do the fresh cycle immediately after. This will be easiest on my body plus it is more cost effective.
Fingers crossed that AF comes so I can do something this month.
I was planning on doing a Clomid cycle for the FET to ensure ovulation, but on my seven Clomid cycles in the past I have only once ovulated as early as day 14, with most cycles being day 16, 17 or 18. What other options are out there for "medicated" cycles and do things progress faster than natural cycles?
Unfortunately, I have no idea where I am in my cycle. I don't think I have ovulated and I can't tell if my body has given up and AF will show up in a day or two, or whether it will hold out until next week and I might have a chance to do the FET right after the new year. I really have no idea where I am in my cycle. I am cheering for the 40 day cycle.
As an alternative, I had contemplated jumping back into another fresh cycle as a way to not waste December if the timing doesn't work out, but if IVF #2 didn't work, then I would have to sit out another month afterwards while my body reset before any FETs. So I think my plan is to do the FET as soon as possible and if that is not successful (fingers crossed that the BFN on the fresh cycle was just a fluke), then do the fresh cycle immediately after. This will be easiest on my body plus it is more cost effective.
Fingers crossed that AF comes so I can do something this month.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Struggling
I've been struggling the past several days. Not depressed, but just a little off inside.
This break between cycles is just painful. I never imagined that the last 4 1/2 months of 2012 would consist of one cycle in which I could get pregnant. Even though IUIs involved disappointment month after month, it was much more comfortable for me to have a possibility that it would work that month.
I guess one cycle in 4+ months wouldn't have been a problem if I had gotten pregnant from the fresh cycle, but here I am resigned to the very likely possibility that AF won't come in the next 7 days and I will be out of luck for the rest of the year.
The clock is ticking away. It's not in my favor and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so frustrated. If AF doesn't come on time, I'll still try to get on Clomid, but I'm looking at <5 a="a" chance.="chance." doesn="doesn" hat="hat" hope="hope" inspire="inspire" lot="lot" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" p="p" t="t">
And there's the nagging question of why I can't get pregnant. Was it just a fluke that the perfect little embryo we transferred didn't implant? Or is there something else that I don't know about? Is it worth it to keep trying? I think yes, but then I second guess that.
Sigh.
This break between cycles is just painful. I never imagined that the last 4 1/2 months of 2012 would consist of one cycle in which I could get pregnant. Even though IUIs involved disappointment month after month, it was much more comfortable for me to have a possibility that it would work that month.
I guess one cycle in 4+ months wouldn't have been a problem if I had gotten pregnant from the fresh cycle, but here I am resigned to the very likely possibility that AF won't come in the next 7 days and I will be out of luck for the rest of the year.
The clock is ticking away. It's not in my favor and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so frustrated. If AF doesn't come on time, I'll still try to get on Clomid, but I'm looking at <5 a="a" chance.="chance." doesn="doesn" hat="hat" hope="hope" inspire="inspire" lot="lot" nbsp="nbsp" of="of" p="p" t="t">
And there's the nagging question of why I can't get pregnant. Was it just a fluke that the perfect little embryo we transferred didn't implant? Or is there something else that I don't know about? Is it worth it to keep trying? I think yes, but then I second guess that.
Sigh.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Insurance
We had to make our insurance selections during open enrollment last week. Normally there are no real decisions for us to make, but I am getting very close to reaching the maximum infertility coverage on my company's insurance so we needed to figure out whether I should switch to his insurance for next year. This forced us to talk again about how much more time, effort, energy and money we are willing to put into having a baby. I was surprised that my husband is willing to go through at least one more IVF cycle, but relieved that we agreed to continue trying.
I feel more comfortable knowing that my upcoming FET will not be our last chance. I almost had a desire to hold off on it just so that we wouldn't be so close to the end of the line. I have so many fears about this failing and I feel better knowing that it's not an all or nothing situation.
While I am on the subject of the FET, I am pretty bummed about the timing. I am not feeling optimistic about being able to squeeze it in before then end of the year. This was my fear three months ago when I started considering doing IVF and it makes me sad to think that I've only had one shot to get pregnant since August. Objectively, I know that's just the way it is sometimes, but it makes me feel like so much is riding on each cycle. So much pressure! Anyway, the lab is closed starting the 24th and I am not very sure what my body is doing this month. Sigh. I guess there's nothing I can do, but I just hate that time is marching on without me making any progress on this baby-making project.
I feel more comfortable knowing that my upcoming FET will not be our last chance. I almost had a desire to hold off on it just so that we wouldn't be so close to the end of the line. I have so many fears about this failing and I feel better knowing that it's not an all or nothing situation.
While I am on the subject of the FET, I am pretty bummed about the timing. I am not feeling optimistic about being able to squeeze it in before then end of the year. This was my fear three months ago when I started considering doing IVF and it makes me sad to think that I've only had one shot to get pregnant since August. Objectively, I know that's just the way it is sometimes, but it makes me feel like so much is riding on each cycle. So much pressure! Anyway, the lab is closed starting the 24th and I am not very sure what my body is doing this month. Sigh. I guess there's nothing I can do, but I just hate that time is marching on without me making any progress on this baby-making project.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Back to Real Life
Maui was absolutely perfect...just what I needed. Then again, when is Maui not just what you need? :) It was such great timing to have this kind of diversion. I was really taken away from everything that happened right before we left, which was good because the way this cycle ended with the break-through bleeding, etc., was so unexpected.
The weather was great. My body rebounded rather quickly from the 2 1/2 weeks off running and I enjoyed daily sunrise runs (unfortunately, my husband got sick mid-week so I got all the prime running timeslots). And the kids....The kids were wonderfully joyous and pure while at the same time challenging and all-consuming. Just perfect.
Yes, I drooled over the numerous babies that were at the resort we were staying at. And yes, when my daughter saw a baby and said, "I want one", I silently said "Me, too". And that was okay.
At the beginning of the trip, I was in a "fake it till you make it" mode. I had a post mentally written up about all the reasons why it's not so bad to not be pregnant while in Hawaii (fruity drinks, water slides, bikini body, etc.) to help me through, but I got quickly immersed into vacation mode, and the forced thoughts quietly slipped away.
Now that I'm back, I have been thinking about and fearing the FET, but I will post about that when I have more time and can collect my thoughts. Work has my brain all wired so I can't sleep, but it's getting late, so I should try again. In the meantime, it seems like there has been a lot of good news over the past week or so. Congrats to those of you who saw heartbeats on Monday(!!!) and for successful fert reports and transfers and twins. All this positive news have been very encouraging. I will catch up on commenting over the next few days.....
The weather was great. My body rebounded rather quickly from the 2 1/2 weeks off running and I enjoyed daily sunrise runs (unfortunately, my husband got sick mid-week so I got all the prime running timeslots). And the kids....The kids were wonderfully joyous and pure while at the same time challenging and all-consuming. Just perfect.
Yes, I drooled over the numerous babies that were at the resort we were staying at. And yes, when my daughter saw a baby and said, "I want one", I silently said "Me, too". And that was okay.
At the beginning of the trip, I was in a "fake it till you make it" mode. I had a post mentally written up about all the reasons why it's not so bad to not be pregnant while in Hawaii (fruity drinks, water slides, bikini body, etc.) to help me through, but I got quickly immersed into vacation mode, and the forced thoughts quietly slipped away.
Now that I'm back, I have been thinking about and fearing the FET, but I will post about that when I have more time and can collect my thoughts. Work has my brain all wired so I can't sleep, but it's getting late, so I should try again. In the meantime, it seems like there has been a lot of good news over the past week or so. Congrats to those of you who saw heartbeats on Monday(!!!) and for successful fert reports and transfers and twins. All this positive news have been very encouraging. I will catch up on commenting over the next few days.....
Friday, November 2, 2012
6DP6DT
So let's just say that I went for a run this morning. And I'm not going to lie. It felt great! And it was just what I needed.
As the day went on yesterday, the situation was very clear: not pregnant and AF was trying to start. I went through the motions and continued to take the Endometrin, but I knew...so I prepared myself. I laid out my running clothes last night and left the walking ones in the dresser. And this morning I went into the bathroom armed with a pregnancy test and a tampon. And then as soon as the result came up, I got dressed, woke up my dog, and off we went.
I could tell that my ovaries are still enlarged, but not overly so. We went 5 miles and there wasn't any point where I felt like I should not be running (which is a good thing because it was 48 degrees out and I was wearing shorts!).
The disappointment comes in waves. I had a lot riding on this cycle in terms of what I wanted for my family, but I am adjusting. I have heard that some people do better on frozen cycles because their bodies aren't messed up from all the drugs, so I really hope that's what the problem was with this cycle. I can't think too much about what I will do if the FET fails.
I haven't called the clinic yet to plan out my next steps, but I do have a tentative plan. As much as I hate to do it, I think I need to take this month off. I could jump straight into an FET, but I'm not so sure that I will be ovulating this month and I also don't have time in my schedule when I return from vacation to get in the office for any monitoring. So if they will let me, I would like to do a combo Clomid/FET cycle next month. Take Clomid to get myself to ovulate, and if the timing works, then go with the FET, but if the timing runs up against the lab closure at year end, just make it a natural Clomid cycle. I've never heard of anyone doing this, but I kind of like the idea. Let's see if I can make it fly.
And if that doesn't work, who knows. I will be hitting my insurance maximum for infertility treatments and I had thought that we would just stop if this didn't work, but now I'm not so sure. I guess I thought I'd have one more frozen embryo to work with. Anyway, we talked this morning about the possibility of switching over to my husband's insurance next year. His company gives 70% coverage, which is better than nothing, so we'll look at his plan and see if our other doctors are covered and then make a decision. The thought of coming away from this process empty handed is not something I'm ready to concede to yet.
As the day went on yesterday, the situation was very clear: not pregnant and AF was trying to start. I went through the motions and continued to take the Endometrin, but I knew...so I prepared myself. I laid out my running clothes last night and left the walking ones in the dresser. And this morning I went into the bathroom armed with a pregnancy test and a tampon. And then as soon as the result came up, I got dressed, woke up my dog, and off we went.
I could tell that my ovaries are still enlarged, but not overly so. We went 5 miles and there wasn't any point where I felt like I should not be running (which is a good thing because it was 48 degrees out and I was wearing shorts!).
The disappointment comes in waves. I had a lot riding on this cycle in terms of what I wanted for my family, but I am adjusting. I have heard that some people do better on frozen cycles because their bodies aren't messed up from all the drugs, so I really hope that's what the problem was with this cycle. I can't think too much about what I will do if the FET fails.
I haven't called the clinic yet to plan out my next steps, but I do have a tentative plan. As much as I hate to do it, I think I need to take this month off. I could jump straight into an FET, but I'm not so sure that I will be ovulating this month and I also don't have time in my schedule when I return from vacation to get in the office for any monitoring. So if they will let me, I would like to do a combo Clomid/FET cycle next month. Take Clomid to get myself to ovulate, and if the timing works, then go with the FET, but if the timing runs up against the lab closure at year end, just make it a natural Clomid cycle. I've never heard of anyone doing this, but I kind of like the idea. Let's see if I can make it fly.
And if that doesn't work, who knows. I will be hitting my insurance maximum for infertility treatments and I had thought that we would just stop if this didn't work, but now I'm not so sure. I guess I thought I'd have one more frozen embryo to work with. Anyway, we talked this morning about the possibility of switching over to my husband's insurance next year. His company gives 70% coverage, which is better than nothing, so we'll look at his plan and see if our other doctors are covered and then make a decision. The thought of coming away from this process empty handed is not something I'm ready to concede to yet.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
5DP6DT
Well, I survived yesterday afternoon and this morning without testing, so I think I'm in the clear...but it's not looking good for this cycle. I've gone from hopeful to doing damage control and protecting myself.
Yesterday afternoon when I inserted the Endometrin, the applicator had reddish CM on it. Same thing for the evening suppository. And this morning...bright red. And there was quite a bit more when wiping. It's tapered off to brown paste since then, but I'm still spotting.
I am not sure what to make of this. I don't think it's good. My guess is that my body is trying to overcome the extra progesterone that is being pumped into it, but I suppose it could be something else as well. I guess I'll know soon enough.
Symptom-wise, there's nothing going on. Two days ago some bloating returned and I thought that maybe my ovaries were acting up, but that's gone. I had some cramps the past couple of days, but nothing today. On the symptom front, I could make a case for either outcome, but with this spotting...I'm thinking no.
So...I'm considering waiting until Saturday morning to test. If it's negative at that point, I can be pretty certain that it's not going to switch to positive and I will pack a couple extra sets of running clothes so I can exercise off my disappointment. In the meantime, I'll just monitor the situation. Oh yeah, and go buy a new box of tampons.
Yesterday afternoon when I inserted the Endometrin, the applicator had reddish CM on it. Same thing for the evening suppository. And this morning...bright red. And there was quite a bit more when wiping. It's tapered off to brown paste since then, but I'm still spotting.
I am not sure what to make of this. I don't think it's good. My guess is that my body is trying to overcome the extra progesterone that is being pumped into it, but I suppose it could be something else as well. I guess I'll know soon enough.
Symptom-wise, there's nothing going on. Two days ago some bloating returned and I thought that maybe my ovaries were acting up, but that's gone. I had some cramps the past couple of days, but nothing today. On the symptom front, I could make a case for either outcome, but with this spotting...I'm thinking no.
So...I'm considering waiting until Saturday morning to test. If it's negative at that point, I can be pretty certain that it's not going to switch to positive and I will pack a couple extra sets of running clothes so I can exercise off my disappointment. In the meantime, I'll just monitor the situation. Oh yeah, and go buy a new box of tampons.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Temptations
I am dying over here. Here I am, 4DP6DT, working from home trying to write up my accomplishments for the year (something which normally causes me to procrastinate for hours), and there's a little cheapy HPT in the bathroom cupboard calling my name.
I am not normally the type to test early. I think I like to feel like am in control, so the times that I have tested and they have been negative, I got upset with myself and wondered how I could have possibly thought that I was pregnant. A couple of months ago, I was so sure that I was pregnant that I laid down a whole $3 to buy three tests. I tested at 12 DPO and nothing. Then the following month I just wanted confirmation a few days ahead of AF that my hail mary cycle was a fail, so I tested at 11 DPO. And here I am with one more test, trying to hold out for a day or two.
I guess I feel like it could be positive. The last few days I have had hope...not due to any symptoms, but simply because IVF should work, and doing PGD should have increased my chances even more. I definitely can't go by symptoms because I have been pregnant twice, and both those times, I was certain that the cycle was a failure. And I have been not pregnant many many times, and there were (and have been recently) plenty of cycles where I was pretty sure that it had worked. So clearly my pregnancy barometer is poorly calibrated.
So here I am, acting very childish. I defiantly emptied my bladder a couple of hours ago to eliminate the temptation temporarily. I think I can hold out. Wish me luck. I'm not sure I want to process any data, positive or negative, just yet.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Beta Blues
When will my beta be? Argh. It should technically be on Saturday, but because that's a weekend, it's scheduled for Monday. But we'll be heading out on vacation on Saturday, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do!
This timing issue has been on my mind since I got my IVF schedule in the middle of September. I knew this would happen, but when I called the IVF nurse to see if we could tighten up the schedule just four or five days by starting BCPs on day 3 instead of day 5 for only 15 days instead of 18, it was like I had asked her to move a mountain. I was told in no uncertain terms that there was absolutely no way we could adjust the schedule and I could take it as is or try some other time. What great customer service. And so much for all the talk from my RE about being able to adjust the cycle here and there if needed.
Sigh. Obviously, it's not that big a deal, but I guess I need to have something to focus my energy on (other than "ooh, was that a cramp?" "do I feel any different", etc.)
I have a hard copy requisition that I can take to a lab for my beta. I checked the area and there are several in-network labs, so I think I will test with HPTs and if I get a positive by Monday, I'll get a blood test sometime next week. And if the HPTs are negative? Hmm, not sure. Most likely, I won't test. On my IUI cycles, I've had break-through bleeding while on Endometrin, so I generally stay away from the pregnancy tests unless specifically requested by the doctor. I know...I've heard the stories of the women who had full on periods only to find out that they were pregnant. But that's not me. So if I start bleeding this weekend, I can be pretty certain of what's going on inside. My RE suggested that I could just stay on the Endometrin while traveling and do the beta when I returned, but the thought of staying on these suppositories longer than necessary while traveling to a tropical destination does not sound appealing. All I can think is "ewwwww!".
Hopefully this will all be a non-issue and that I will want to go get the test. Fingers crossed. It'll probably be early next week depending on what the rest of our schedule looks like.
And the POAS schedule? Hmm, that's unclear. Perhaps Friday at 6DP6DT? I want to see how things feel the next few days before I start thinking about when to test. Tick tock. For more reasons than one, I am looking forward to this weekend!
This timing issue has been on my mind since I got my IVF schedule in the middle of September. I knew this would happen, but when I called the IVF nurse to see if we could tighten up the schedule just four or five days by starting BCPs on day 3 instead of day 5 for only 15 days instead of 18, it was like I had asked her to move a mountain. I was told in no uncertain terms that there was absolutely no way we could adjust the schedule and I could take it as is or try some other time. What great customer service. And so much for all the talk from my RE about being able to adjust the cycle here and there if needed.
Sigh. Obviously, it's not that big a deal, but I guess I need to have something to focus my energy on (other than "ooh, was that a cramp?" "do I feel any different", etc.)
I have a hard copy requisition that I can take to a lab for my beta. I checked the area and there are several in-network labs, so I think I will test with HPTs and if I get a positive by Monday, I'll get a blood test sometime next week. And if the HPTs are negative? Hmm, not sure. Most likely, I won't test. On my IUI cycles, I've had break-through bleeding while on Endometrin, so I generally stay away from the pregnancy tests unless specifically requested by the doctor. I know...I've heard the stories of the women who had full on periods only to find out that they were pregnant. But that's not me. So if I start bleeding this weekend, I can be pretty certain of what's going on inside. My RE suggested that I could just stay on the Endometrin while traveling and do the beta when I returned, but the thought of staying on these suppositories longer than necessary while traveling to a tropical destination does not sound appealing. All I can think is "ewwwww!".
Hopefully this will all be a non-issue and that I will want to go get the test. Fingers crossed. It'll probably be early next week depending on what the rest of our schedule looks like.
And the POAS schedule? Hmm, that's unclear. Perhaps Friday at 6DP6DT? I want to see how things feel the next few days before I start thinking about when to test. Tick tock. For more reasons than one, I am looking forward to this weekend!
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Transfer Day
Well, I think I got the answers that I had been seeking by doing this IVF cycle. You know which questions I'm talking about: the "what's wrong with me?" question and the "why can't I get pregnant on my question?".
Of the eight embryos that were biopsied yesterday, only two were chromosomally normal. Wow. Only 2 of the original 14 made it. Interestingly enough, one of the 5AAs from yesterday was one of the ones that had something wrong with it. Sure, my RE had told me when we met last month that you can't tell by looking at a day 5 blast whether it's normal or not, so I knew that this could happen, but I was still surprised. Honestly, I thought we'd have at least 3 good ones today. But that's really here nor there. I'm just glad we chose the path we did, because if I had tried to do a single embryo transfer today without doing the testing, there would have been a 50/50 shot of transferring a viable one. I guess that's why it's common practice to transfer two, especially for women in their late 30s.
Luckily the two normal ones looked "beautiful". Both were both 6AAs so I let the embryologist pick the one that looked the best. She will freeze the other one.
One thing I hadn't considered when we decided to do the screening was that the gender would be also be known. Okay, yes, I should have realized that, but that's not what I was focusing on. I was kind of thrown for a loop when the embryologist asked me if I wanted to know the genders (and pick which embryo to transfer?). That's not a decision I want to make, so I said no. Doing IVF and making the decision of how to handle unused/un-transferred/etc embryos has definitely pushed the limits of what I am comfortable with in terms of technology and science in the process of baby-making, and gender selection is outside that limit for me.
For now, I'm just going to focus on the upcoming week. We head out for vacation next Saturday and I still have a lot to do to prepare, both at work and at home, so am happy to have something to keep my mind occupied..
Of the eight embryos that were biopsied yesterday, only two were chromosomally normal. Wow. Only 2 of the original 14 made it. Interestingly enough, one of the 5AAs from yesterday was one of the ones that had something wrong with it. Sure, my RE had told me when we met last month that you can't tell by looking at a day 5 blast whether it's normal or not, so I knew that this could happen, but I was still surprised. Honestly, I thought we'd have at least 3 good ones today. But that's really here nor there. I'm just glad we chose the path we did, because if I had tried to do a single embryo transfer today without doing the testing, there would have been a 50/50 shot of transferring a viable one. I guess that's why it's common practice to transfer two, especially for women in their late 30s.
Luckily the two normal ones looked "beautiful". Both were both 6AAs so I let the embryologist pick the one that looked the best. She will freeze the other one.
One thing I hadn't considered when we decided to do the screening was that the gender would be also be known. Okay, yes, I should have realized that, but that's not what I was focusing on. I was kind of thrown for a loop when the embryologist asked me if I wanted to know the genders (and pick which embryo to transfer?). That's not a decision I want to make, so I said no. Doing IVF and making the decision of how to handle unused/un-transferred/etc embryos has definitely pushed the limits of what I am comfortable with in terms of technology and science in the process of baby-making, and gender selection is outside that limit for me.
For now, I'm just going to focus on the upcoming week. We head out for vacation next Saturday and I still have a lot to do to prepare, both at work and at home, so am happy to have something to keep my mind occupied..
Friday, October 26, 2012
We're on for a day 6 transfer
I just got the call:
2 - 5AA
1 - 5AB
1 - 4BA
4 - early
The first four will definitely be biopsied and the other four might, depending on how they do today. It sounds like they wait as long as possible to give the early ones a chance to develop more.
So we decided to proceed and transfer is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I hope there's one that looks awesome.
That's all for now. Will write more later....
**********
Update: Good news...they were able to biopsy all 8 embryos. I will get my money's worth out of this testing, since they have one price for up to 8. Oh yeah, and hopefully I will get a couple of chromosomally normal blasts out of this as well.
2 - 5AA
1 - 5AB
1 - 4BA
4 - early
The first four will definitely be biopsied and the other four might, depending on how they do today. It sounds like they wait as long as possible to give the early ones a chance to develop more.
So we decided to proceed and transfer is scheduled for tomorrow morning. I hope there's one that looks awesome.
That's all for now. Will write more later....
**********
Update: Good news...they were able to biopsy all 8 embryos. I will get my money's worth out of this testing, since they have one price for up to 8. Oh yeah, and hopefully I will get a couple of chromosomally normal blasts out of this as well.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Day 3 Update
I received another 8:30AM call this morning (I love punctuality!), this time from one of the IVF nurses.
And...I still have 8.
3 -8 cell embryos grade I
1- 8 cell embryo grade III
3- 9 cell embryos grade I
1-10 cell embryo grade II
In this system grade I is the best. The nurse explained to me that normal development is to be 8 cell by day 3. When she told me about the 9 and 10 cell ones, I thought that was even better, but then I did some reading and perhaps that's not the case. Even so, it sounds like good news to me.
The next update will come Friday morning and then we'll know how things look and decide whether to do a day 5 transfer or to biopsy and go with a transfer on Saturday.
Obviously, anything can still happen in two days, but I'm feeling good about this...while still scared. I don't necessarily feel confident in my decision to do a single embryo transfer, but I just can't have twins (based on my history, I would expect pregnancy to cause me and the babies a lot of problems). And I don't think I have it in me to do a selective reduction. So there we go. Hopefully I get what I need from the chromosomal screening.
On the recovery/OHSS/physical side, things are great. I have not been following the "OHSS diet" since Sunday and for now, everything is fine. I plan to shift my diet a bit next week after reading that WTW's OHSS kicked into high gear once she started producing HCG. I've also been out walking the past two days and it's been nice to just get outside. I do miss real sweating, though. It's been over a week! Maybe I'll spin on my bike on my trainer in the next couple of days, just so that I can sweat! Really, I'm not that crazy exercise person who can't miss a day without losing my mind. It's just been a difficult transition after spending the past two months working out as much as possible so I wouldn't feel like I was turning to mush while going through IVF. I rarely took a day off from doing *something*, even if it was just a quick 20 minute strength workout.
So that's the update. Until Friday morning, I'll be hanging tight, and keeping my fingers tightly crossed for those of you with scheduled betas in the morning.
And...I still have 8.
3 -8 cell embryos grade I
1- 8 cell embryo grade III
3- 9 cell embryos grade I
1-10 cell embryo grade II
In this system grade I is the best. The nurse explained to me that normal development is to be 8 cell by day 3. When she told me about the 9 and 10 cell ones, I thought that was even better, but then I did some reading and perhaps that's not the case. Even so, it sounds like good news to me.
The next update will come Friday morning and then we'll know how things look and decide whether to do a day 5 transfer or to biopsy and go with a transfer on Saturday.
Obviously, anything can still happen in two days, but I'm feeling good about this...while still scared. I don't necessarily feel confident in my decision to do a single embryo transfer, but I just can't have twins (based on my history, I would expect pregnancy to cause me and the babies a lot of problems). And I don't think I have it in me to do a selective reduction. So there we go. Hopefully I get what I need from the chromosomal screening.
On the recovery/OHSS/physical side, things are great. I have not been following the "OHSS diet" since Sunday and for now, everything is fine. I plan to shift my diet a bit next week after reading that WTW's OHSS kicked into high gear once she started producing HCG. I've also been out walking the past two days and it's been nice to just get outside. I do miss real sweating, though. It's been over a week! Maybe I'll spin on my bike on my trainer in the next couple of days, just so that I can sweat! Really, I'm not that crazy exercise person who can't miss a day without losing my mind. It's just been a difficult transition after spending the past two months working out as much as possible so I wouldn't feel like I was turning to mush while going through IVF. I rarely took a day off from doing *something*, even if it was just a quick 20 minute strength workout.
So that's the update. Until Friday morning, I'll be hanging tight, and keeping my fingers tightly crossed for those of you with scheduled betas in the morning.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Fert Report
Okay, so here are the results:
We started with 14....
- 8 fertilized
- 5 are still being watched and we'll know more on Wednesday.
I got the call from the embryologist at 8:30 this morning. I was on the bus to work...and I was like a deer caught in the headlights. Seriously unprepared. I had no questions and all she told me was that 8 fertilized and that we'll talk on Wednesday. I called the lab in the afternoon and thankfully, the woman who answered the phone pulled up the paperwork and gave me the rest of the information.
I'm really not sure how I feel about the number 8, but I'm also not sure what I expected. Objectively, I think 8 is good, right? I know I just need one to stick (not 8!)...and there are a few of you who are my proof (thank you for the success stories!), but I'm scared. I am scared.
So hear me out. I'm planning on doing chromosomal testing and only transferring one. From what I've read, between age 35-39 approximately 40%-50% of a woman's eggs are chromosomally abnormal. So what if this process goes through some sort of half-life type of thing where eight of fourteen fertilize...and then four of the eight make it to blast...and then two of the four are chromosomally normal...and then I transfer one and the other one doesn't make it to freeze... And then what if I don't get pregnant? Am I done, just like that? That's some serious pressure. Okay, it's also purely speculation, but it's not out of the questions.
This doubt has been simmering just beneath the surface for the past several days. I've finally reached the moment of truth, the time when I'm supposed to find out why I haven't been able to get pregnant without help for the past 7 years. And now I'm worried about what I will find out.
Okay, enough with the drama. This is just how I'm feeling today...vulnerable to what I will learn this week.
Physically, I feel better than yesterday, when I walking gingerly so as to not disturb anything inside. I can now walk normally, but still find myself noticing that my normal "purposeful" walk is a bit too purposeful. Hopefully one more day and I'll feel like getting out early for at least a couple of miles (walking! not running! I'm crazy, but not that crazy).
We started with 14....
- 8 fertilized
- 1 was not mature and was discarded
- 5 are still being watched and we'll know more on Wednesday.
I got the call from the embryologist at 8:30 this morning. I was on the bus to work...and I was like a deer caught in the headlights. Seriously unprepared. I had no questions and all she told me was that 8 fertilized and that we'll talk on Wednesday. I called the lab in the afternoon and thankfully, the woman who answered the phone pulled up the paperwork and gave me the rest of the information.
I'm really not sure how I feel about the number 8, but I'm also not sure what I expected. Objectively, I think 8 is good, right? I know I just need one to stick (not 8!)...and there are a few of you who are my proof (thank you for the success stories!), but I'm scared. I am scared.
So hear me out. I'm planning on doing chromosomal testing and only transferring one. From what I've read, between age 35-39 approximately 40%-50% of a woman's eggs are chromosomally abnormal. So what if this process goes through some sort of half-life type of thing where eight of fourteen fertilize...and then four of the eight make it to blast...and then two of the four are chromosomally normal...and then I transfer one and the other one doesn't make it to freeze... And then what if I don't get pregnant? Am I done, just like that? That's some serious pressure. Okay, it's also purely speculation, but it's not out of the questions.
This doubt has been simmering just beneath the surface for the past several days. I've finally reached the moment of truth, the time when I'm supposed to find out why I haven't been able to get pregnant without help for the past 7 years. And now I'm worried about what I will find out.
Okay, enough with the drama. This is just how I'm feeling today...vulnerable to what I will learn this week.
Physically, I feel better than yesterday, when I walking gingerly so as to not disturb anything inside. I can now walk normally, but still find myself noticing that my normal "purposeful" walk is a bit too purposeful. Hopefully one more day and I'll feel like getting out early for at least a couple of miles (walking! not running! I'm crazy, but not that crazy).
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Retrieval
I'm just chilling here at home with my dog and my computer...and a little bit of football. I couldn't ask for a better Sunday morning! :)
I feel pretty good. I've got some mild cramping and I find myself walking somewhat gingerly, but it's nothing major.
We got back from the RE's office about about an hour ago. As far as I can tell, the retrieval was smooth...and they got 14 eggs.
If things go well, the plan is to do biopsies on Friday and a day 6 transfer on Saturday morning. Of course, I know that things can change in a flash and I could back in the office for a 3 or 5 day transfer depending on how things progress over the next couple of days.
At this point, I've done all I can do, so I'm just going to take care of myself, check out the ICLW blogs, and enjoy the quiet house.
I feel pretty good. I've got some mild cramping and I find myself walking somewhat gingerly, but it's nothing major.
We got back from the RE's office about about an hour ago. As far as I can tell, the retrieval was smooth...and they got 14 eggs.
If things go well, the plan is to do biopsies on Friday and a day 6 transfer on Saturday morning. Of course, I know that things can change in a flash and I could back in the office for a 3 or 5 day transfer depending on how things progress over the next couple of days.
At this point, I've done all I can do, so I'm just going to take care of myself, check out the ICLW blogs, and enjoy the quiet house.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
October ICLW
I just wanted to post a quick welcome message to anyone stopping by for October ICLW.
I am in the thick of my first and probably only IVF cycle (so I hope it works!). My retrieval is tomorrow morning. Wow. Honestly, I never thought I'd be here. Historically, I've been terrified of needles...and the mere thought of the "big needle" used for retrieval was the scariest of all.
But here I am. For this cycle alone, I have given myself 36 shots. And I am oddly calm about tomorrow. I guess reading the stories of other women going through the same process I am has been more comforting that I had expected.
So the quick recap on my cycle is this: I did the long Lupron protocol and started stimming last Friday night. I stimmed very well...so well, that I am risk for OHSS. I expected this based on how my body responded in prior injectable IUI cycles that I've done.
Thank you to those of you who passed on your experience with OHSS. I don't fully trust the nurses at my clinic (I seem to receive conflicting information), so it was good to match up your experiences with what I read on dr. google and what paperwork I received from my clinic. It sounds like high protein and lots of electrolyte drinks are the way to go...and to keep a close eye if I get pregnant, because it could/will get worse.
Thanks for reading. I'm off to the couch for a quiet evening in front of the tv.
I am in the thick of my first and probably only IVF cycle (so I hope it works!). My retrieval is tomorrow morning. Wow. Honestly, I never thought I'd be here. Historically, I've been terrified of needles...and the mere thought of the "big needle" used for retrieval was the scariest of all.
But here I am. For this cycle alone, I have given myself 36 shots. And I am oddly calm about tomorrow. I guess reading the stories of other women going through the same process I am has been more comforting that I had expected.
So the quick recap on my cycle is this: I did the long Lupron protocol and started stimming last Friday night. I stimmed very well...so well, that I am risk for OHSS. I expected this based on how my body responded in prior injectable IUI cycles that I've done.
Thank you to those of you who passed on your experience with OHSS. I don't fully trust the nurses at my clinic (I seem to receive conflicting information), so it was good to match up your experiences with what I read on dr. google and what paperwork I received from my clinic. It sounds like high protein and lots of electrolyte drinks are the way to go...and to keep a close eye if I get pregnant, because it could/will get worse.
Thanks for reading. I'm off to the couch for a quiet evening in front of the tv.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Monitoring Appointment #2
I had my second appointment this morning (after 6 nights of stimming)...
Here are the numbers:
Lining: 8
Right ovary: 18, 18, 14, 13.5, 13, 12, 11.5, 11, 11, 8.5
Left ovary: 17.5, 16.5, 13, 12.5, 12, 12, plus four smaller
E2: 2430
I just took my last Menopur and Follistim shots (yay!), I trigger tomorrow night and ER is 8:30 Sunday morning. Woo hoo! The nurse called today to instruct me to only take 5,000 IU of the Novarel. I hope this helps with any OHSS symptoms.
I'm feeling good...definitely full. I've read many blogs and have always wondered what the women were experiencing when they said they were "uncomfortable" and "felt full". Now I know!
I'm okay, though. I got that last run in on Tuesday afternoon plus some core work, and then walked the 5 mile run route yesterday. And then I got a 35 minute walk in today. I would have gone for longer, but it was my husband's turn for the AM workout and I didn't realize until late that he decided to skip it, but I took what I could. Hopefully I can keep up with some semblance of movement to help maintain my sanity.
The nurse gave me a pamphlet on OHSS and wants me to be on what she called the "OHSS diet" with limited fruits and vegetables and low potassium. This "diet" recommends that you drink Gatorade rather than just water. So confusing.... I thought Gatorade was supposed to replenish electrolytes including potassium. I think it's time for me to pay Dr. Google a visit and get some more information. I don't want OHSS, but at the same time, I didn't come out of the meeting with a clear picture of what I should and should not eat. If any of you have any experience, please pass it on!
Here are the numbers:
Lining: 8
Right ovary: 18, 18, 14, 13.5, 13, 12, 11.5, 11, 11, 8.5
Left ovary: 17.5, 16.5, 13, 12.5, 12, 12, plus four smaller
E2: 2430
I just took my last Menopur and Follistim shots (yay!), I trigger tomorrow night and ER is 8:30 Sunday morning. Woo hoo! The nurse called today to instruct me to only take 5,000 IU of the Novarel. I hope this helps with any OHSS symptoms.
I'm feeling good...definitely full. I've read many blogs and have always wondered what the women were experiencing when they said they were "uncomfortable" and "felt full". Now I know!
I'm okay, though. I got that last run in on Tuesday afternoon plus some core work, and then walked the 5 mile run route yesterday. And then I got a 35 minute walk in today. I would have gone for longer, but it was my husband's turn for the AM workout and I didn't realize until late that he decided to skip it, but I took what I could. Hopefully I can keep up with some semblance of movement to help maintain my sanity.
The nurse gave me a pamphlet on OHSS and wants me to be on what she called the "OHSS diet" with limited fruits and vegetables and low potassium. This "diet" recommends that you drink Gatorade rather than just water. So confusing.... I thought Gatorade was supposed to replenish electrolytes including potassium. I think it's time for me to pay Dr. Google a visit and get some more information. I don't want OHSS, but at the same time, I didn't come out of the meeting with a clear picture of what I should and should not eat. If any of you have any experience, please pass it on!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Follicle update
I went in this morning for my first monitoring appointment. After four nights of stimming, here's what has been going on inside:
Lining: 6.4
Right: 12, 12, 12, 11.5, 10.5, 9, 9, and 4 smaller ones
Left: 13, 13, 10.5, 10, 9.5, 9, 9, and 3 smaller ones
I am particularly pleased with my left ovary because that one tends to be a little less enthusiastic than my right one, but it's doing a good job.
I also got two bonuses:
- No blood draw. Not sure how I managed that one, but there was no mention of needing to know what my E2 is.
- I got the green light to run this afternoon. So excited! It won't be anything long or fast, but I know it will make me happy. :)
I'll be back on Thursday for another check. The RE thinks that retrieval will be this weekend, either Saturday or Sunday, which is what I was mentally targeting. I think that means three or four more nights of pokes. I think that should be enough for me to finish the smiley face I'm trying to draw on my stomach.
Lining: 6.4
Right: 12, 12, 12, 11.5, 10.5, 9, 9, and 4 smaller ones
Left: 13, 13, 10.5, 10, 9.5, 9, 9, and 3 smaller ones
I am particularly pleased with my left ovary because that one tends to be a little less enthusiastic than my right one, but it's doing a good job.
I also got two bonuses:
- No blood draw. Not sure how I managed that one, but there was no mention of needing to know what my E2 is.
- I got the green light to run this afternoon. So excited! It won't be anything long or fast, but I know it will make me happy. :)
I'll be back on Thursday for another check. The RE thinks that retrieval will be this weekend, either Saturday or Sunday, which is what I was mentally targeting. I think that means three or four more nights of pokes. I think that should be enough for me to finish the smiley face I'm trying to draw on my stomach.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
I heart Friday night sticking parties....
Or Not.
The injections themselves haven't been bad. The Follistim is like an old friend and doesn't hurt and I'm enjoying the reduced dose of Lupron, but I'm struggling a bit with the mechanics of the Menopur. The pharmacist gave me these really skinny and long 1 ml syringes, so once I jab myself, I'm stuck (literally)! My thumb is not long enough to reach the plunger and my other hand is busy still pinching my skin, so I'm not sure what to do. The first night, I pushed the plunger in slowly from the side, and then last night, I made my skin pinching hand also hold the needle in place so my left hand could be freed up to inject the medication. There must be a better way! Do any of you who do your own injections have any other ideas? I'll be going in for a follicle check on Tuesday and if I'm lucky, maybe the nurses will have a wider barrel syringe that I can use, but if not, I'll need to figure something out.
Thanks for the suggestions on exercise. Biking and walking or hiking are still at the top of the list with some medicine ball work mixed in. I had forgotten about rollerblading...it's been a while, but my dog and I do enjoy a good sprint together. If I can fix the broken ankle strap (I got my skates in 1993!), I might try that. It might be kind of fun in the dark mornings....
But for today my running is still going strong. My dog and I had a great 9+ miler yesterday. It was a route that we both really like but haven't done in a long time. I felt fit, fast and light on my feet...what a bonus! It was great. It's so hard to believe that in two or three days I will start feeling uncomfortable and most likely unwilling to run. I'm just glad that means that I am one step further in this process.
On that note, I time to lace up those shoes and head out the door. I will update on Tuesday after my appointment.
The injections themselves haven't been bad. The Follistim is like an old friend and doesn't hurt and I'm enjoying the reduced dose of Lupron, but I'm struggling a bit with the mechanics of the Menopur. The pharmacist gave me these really skinny and long 1 ml syringes, so once I jab myself, I'm stuck (literally)! My thumb is not long enough to reach the plunger and my other hand is busy still pinching my skin, so I'm not sure what to do. The first night, I pushed the plunger in slowly from the side, and then last night, I made my skin pinching hand also hold the needle in place so my left hand could be freed up to inject the medication. There must be a better way! Do any of you who do your own injections have any other ideas? I'll be going in for a follicle check on Tuesday and if I'm lucky, maybe the nurses will have a wider barrel syringe that I can use, but if not, I'll need to figure something out.
Thanks for the suggestions on exercise. Biking and walking or hiking are still at the top of the list with some medicine ball work mixed in. I had forgotten about rollerblading...it's been a while, but my dog and I do enjoy a good sprint together. If I can fix the broken ankle strap (I got my skates in 1993!), I might try that. It might be kind of fun in the dark mornings....
But for today my running is still going strong. My dog and I had a great 9+ miler yesterday. It was a route that we both really like but haven't done in a long time. I felt fit, fast and light on my feet...what a bonus! It was great. It's so hard to believe that in two or three days I will start feeling uncomfortable and most likely unwilling to run. I'm just glad that means that I am one step further in this process.
On that note, I time to lace up those shoes and head out the door. I will update on Tuesday after my appointment.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Side Effects
I was so proud of myself last week because I thought I was one of the lucky ones who wasn't having any side effects from the Lupron. Sure I had a couple of small headaches, but they could have been from a little dehydration, etc. I didn't have any hot flashes or anything like that either.
And then on Thursday, I noticed that I just seemed angry, irritable, and quick to snap. I was mean to my husband and loud to the dog. And then I remembered...damn, that Lupron!
I am just unpleasant (to put it mildly) to be around. I've been trying (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to remind myself to be patient every night when I get home from work, but I have to say that it's been bad timing for my poor husband to be making lots of changes around the house. For example, on Monday he brought in some guys to do some trimming because he just hasn't had the time to get around to it. He supervised them for part of the day and then went into work. When we got home, they had trimmed the bushes along the back fence so that any coverage and privacy from the two story house behind us (the only two story house in the neighborhood) was gone! I still remember clearly coming home from work one day nine years ago to find that the owners at the time had cut down the bushes on their side of the fence to expose this huge 2 story monster looking into our yard. I thought that we vowed that day to grow our bushes so that this would never be an issue again. And now we're right back to where we were. AND it's fall, so it's not like we're going to be seeing a lot of growth in the next few months. GRRRRR!
So I actually didn't get mad (out loud), but I did close all of the blinds when we were eating so I wouldn't have to look at the ugly house. And his comment was, "I'm sorry to disappoint you". :(
Yeah, so I guess I would say that there are some side effects.
In other news, I had my baseline ultrasound this morning.
Lining: 2.9
Right ovary: 14 follicles < 10
Left ovary: 10 follicles < 10
I'm all set for a Friday night sticking party. 125 IU Follistim, 75 IU Menopur and 5 units Lupron. I've been pretty sensitive to the Follistim in the past, so I'm very curious as to what we will see at my first monitoring appointment next Tuesday.
In the meantime, I'm still running as much as I have time for, which is every day, but unfortunately, not as long or as far as I'd like. I'm still working through my workout plans once running is off the table. I'm thinking three options: workouts with medicine balls, putting my bike on the trainer, and getting up in the hills to hike. Any other ideas?
And then on Thursday, I noticed that I just seemed angry, irritable, and quick to snap. I was mean to my husband and loud to the dog. And then I remembered...damn, that Lupron!
I am just unpleasant (to put it mildly) to be around. I've been trying (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to remind myself to be patient every night when I get home from work, but I have to say that it's been bad timing for my poor husband to be making lots of changes around the house. For example, on Monday he brought in some guys to do some trimming because he just hasn't had the time to get around to it. He supervised them for part of the day and then went into work. When we got home, they had trimmed the bushes along the back fence so that any coverage and privacy from the two story house behind us (the only two story house in the neighborhood) was gone! I still remember clearly coming home from work one day nine years ago to find that the owners at the time had cut down the bushes on their side of the fence to expose this huge 2 story monster looking into our yard. I thought that we vowed that day to grow our bushes so that this would never be an issue again. And now we're right back to where we were. AND it's fall, so it's not like we're going to be seeing a lot of growth in the next few months. GRRRRR!
So I actually didn't get mad (out loud), but I did close all of the blinds when we were eating so I wouldn't have to look at the ugly house. And his comment was, "I'm sorry to disappoint you". :(
Yeah, so I guess I would say that there are some side effects.
In other news, I had my baseline ultrasound this morning.
Lining: 2.9
Right ovary: 14 follicles < 10
Left ovary: 10 follicles < 10
I'm all set for a Friday night sticking party. 125 IU Follistim, 75 IU Menopur and 5 units Lupron. I've been pretty sensitive to the Follistim in the past, so I'm very curious as to what we will see at my first monitoring appointment next Tuesday.
In the meantime, I'm still running as much as I have time for, which is every day, but unfortunately, not as long or as far as I'd like. I'm still working through my workout plans once running is off the table. I'm thinking three options: workouts with medicine balls, putting my bike on the trainer, and getting up in the hills to hike. Any other ideas?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
The Stress Meter
When I was in college, my roommates and I would post a stress meter on the door of our dorm room during Finals week. Sadly, my stress meter bar was always the highest of my three roommates (unless I finished my last final before they did!). It wasn't like I was the one who tried the hardest; I just couldn't go with the flow as well as the others.
Work has been relatively low key this year, almost to the point of boredom. Until THIS WEEK! And it looks like things will be picking up over the next three weeks. Enter the stress meter. When thinking about this IVF cycle, I have made a point of also visualizing myself being low key and even keel. It's so important to me to embrace this opportunity because I don't know what next year will bring if this cycle doesn't work. I am scared because I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but I also want and need to be able to handle anything and everything that comes my way. It's going to be tough.
Thankfully, tonight my husband gave me the green light to stay at work as late as I wanted, so I was able to take care of a good chunk of my to do list. Stress meter reading: 6 out of 10. Not bad for now. I hope I can maintain this!
The only update I have right now for the cycle is that I started the Lupron on Monday night and tomorrow is my last BCP. Yay! I haven't noticed any side effects from either, but I'm really looking forward to being done with this phase of the protocol. I'm so glad that October is here!
Work has been relatively low key this year, almost to the point of boredom. Until THIS WEEK! And it looks like things will be picking up over the next three weeks. Enter the stress meter. When thinking about this IVF cycle, I have made a point of also visualizing myself being low key and even keel. It's so important to me to embrace this opportunity because I don't know what next year will bring if this cycle doesn't work. I am scared because I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, but I also want and need to be able to handle anything and everything that comes my way. It's going to be tough.
Thankfully, tonight my husband gave me the green light to stay at work as late as I wanted, so I was able to take care of a good chunk of my to do list. Stress meter reading: 6 out of 10. Not bad for now. I hope I can maintain this!
The only update I have right now for the cycle is that I started the Lupron on Monday night and tomorrow is my last BCP. Yay! I haven't noticed any side effects from either, but I'm really looking forward to being done with this phase of the protocol. I'm so glad that October is here!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Busy busy
Wow, the last few days have been fun...
- First, the entire family got sick. It was book-ended with two middle of the night vomiting episodes Tuesday and Friday nights. And in between my husband and I were trying to go through the motions while not feeling very well. Unfortunately, I've been doing A LOT of laundry. Yuck.
- I don't know what the deal is with these IVF meds, but after reading about triedandtrying's near disaster with her prescriptions, I followed up on my prescriptions and found out that the mail order pharmacy never received them. The nurse told me that they must have been sent to a local pharmacy by mistake, but when I called them, they had no record of it either. I made a few calls and ended up getting it switched to the local specialty pharmacy and picked everything up on Friday afternoon, so I'm good to go tomorrow night for day 1 of Lupron.
- The IVF Orientation was fine, although I was not feeling well. Good thing I have enough experience with the needles; otherwise, I might have had more than one reason for my unsettled stomach! And I didn't get a chance to use the orange. Boo. The nurse who taught the class was okay, but she really asserted her opinion on exercise. She told the group that her advice is to back off exercise as soon as you decide to do IVF. That really bothered me. I just don't understand how and why doctors and nurses have such different advice on the same topic.
Onward and upward. Lupron starts tomorrow night and my last day of BCPs is Friday. I'm getting antsy and wish this cycle were shorter, but I guess in the long run a few days here and there is not a big deal. I'm just ready to get the show on the road, but I'm sure that in two weeks when I start stimming, I will be nervous. I just need to remember to take one day at a time....
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Saline Sonohysterogram
Check! Mark that off the list. I had an ultrasound and SHG this morning and was pleased that it quick and painless. Somehow I came across a few blog entries last night where women had unpleasant experiences so I was a bit worried that I was going to have a repeat of the HSG (which for me was a terrible experience with a med student who had terrible technique and a bad bedside manner).
At any rate, everything looks good. The cyst is gone. There are a good number of antral follicles (15 on the right, 11 on the left). Uterus and lining look good.
I also had a chance to review my plan with my doctor and get her input on my desire to do the chromosomal screening followed by an eSET. She agreed that it made sense, so I have a sense of peace that this is the right route for us. I keep contemplating the scenario of not doing the screening and transferring two embryos, but my fear of twins keeps bringing me away from that.
Ironically, when I met with the nurse today to discuss PGD, she mentioned that she also did a screening when she went through IVF and only transferred one embryo...and ended up with identical twins. :) Ha. I get it. There is only so much a person can control!
Anyway, next up is the IVF orientation on Friday and I will offer an orange from our tree for sacrifice.
At any rate, everything looks good. The cyst is gone. There are a good number of antral follicles (15 on the right, 11 on the left). Uterus and lining look good.
I also had a chance to review my plan with my doctor and get her input on my desire to do the chromosomal screening followed by an eSET. She agreed that it made sense, so I have a sense of peace that this is the right route for us. I keep contemplating the scenario of not doing the screening and transferring two embryos, but my fear of twins keeps bringing me away from that.
Ironically, when I met with the nurse today to discuss PGD, she mentioned that she also did a screening when she went through IVF and only transferred one embryo...and ended up with identical twins. :) Ha. I get it. There is only so much a person can control!
Anyway, next up is the IVF orientation on Friday and I will offer an orange from our tree for sacrifice.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Moving along
I was going to post that I really have nothing to write about because nothing is happening, but I realized that things are actually moving along. For example:
- I'm dutifully taking the birth control pills
- I received a nice big envelope in the mail with a bunch of consent forms to sign. I read them and realized that I have some work to do! I need to get some specific costs on certain procedures (ICSI, assisted hatching) as well as storage costs. There was no information on PGD, so I have to call tomorrow morning and make sure that I set up the chromosomal testing (I was told that you can set it up and cancel at the last minute, but not the other way around).
- The nurse faxed in my prescriptions to the mail order pharmacy and I have been advised to be a "nag" to make sure they show up on time. I'm not sure why she didn't use the local pharmacy I had used for my injectable IUI cycles, so I may just ask her to switch it back if it will make it less stressful. Plus, for some reason, I get the Endometrin for free at the local pharmacy. At any rate, Lupron injections begin a week from tomorrow so I have this week to take care of this.
- Saline sonohysterogram is scheduled for Wednesday morning.
On the exercise front, I've been diligent in squeezing runs in whenever I can. My legs are getting nice and tired and I should be ready for a break on October 16th. Now I just need to shape up my eating habits.
That's about all for now. Everything else has been quiet and uneventful. And now it's time to pick up the house and put away anything related to this cycle because my family is coming over for dinner.
- I'm dutifully taking the birth control pills
- I received a nice big envelope in the mail with a bunch of consent forms to sign. I read them and realized that I have some work to do! I need to get some specific costs on certain procedures (ICSI, assisted hatching) as well as storage costs. There was no information on PGD, so I have to call tomorrow morning and make sure that I set up the chromosomal testing (I was told that you can set it up and cancel at the last minute, but not the other way around).
- The nurse faxed in my prescriptions to the mail order pharmacy and I have been advised to be a "nag" to make sure they show up on time. I'm not sure why she didn't use the local pharmacy I had used for my injectable IUI cycles, so I may just ask her to switch it back if it will make it less stressful. Plus, for some reason, I get the Endometrin for free at the local pharmacy. At any rate, Lupron injections begin a week from tomorrow so I have this week to take care of this.
- Saline sonohysterogram is scheduled for Wednesday morning.
On the exercise front, I've been diligent in squeezing runs in whenever I can. My legs are getting nice and tired and I should be ready for a break on October 16th. Now I just need to shape up my eating habits.
That's about all for now. Everything else has been quiet and uneventful. And now it's time to pick up the house and put away anything related to this cycle because my family is coming over for dinner.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
ICLW
Welcome, ICLW. I have recently decided to embark on my first IVF (this is a big deal for me) and am currently on BCPs and working out final scheduling details with the nurse at my clinic.
The top 4 things on my mind right now are:
1. Planning my schedule so I can exercise as much as possible in advance of the "no more vigorous exercise" cutoff listed on my IVF schedule on October 15
2. Gathering my thoughts on CCS (comprehensive chromosomal screening)
3. Working through the decision of single embryo transfer.
4. Wondering why I need to bring an orange to the IVF orientation class (for injection practice???)
Of course items 2 and 3 could drastically change next month when the cycle is underway, but I want to feel comfortable that I have the information I need to feel comfortable with the decision.
Thanks for stopping by....
The top 4 things on my mind right now are:
1. Planning my schedule so I can exercise as much as possible in advance of the "no more vigorous exercise" cutoff listed on my IVF schedule on October 15
2. Gathering my thoughts on CCS (comprehensive chromosomal screening)
3. Working through the decision of single embryo transfer.
4. Wondering why I need to bring an orange to the IVF orientation class (for injection practice???)
Of course items 2 and 3 could drastically change next month when the cycle is underway, but I want to feel comfortable that I have the information I need to feel comfortable with the decision.
Thanks for stopping by....
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The irony
Okay, so I know that this is nothing new and that many women doing IVF have had the same thoughts, but I can't seem to get over the irony of taking birth control pills.
The last time I took a birth control pill was seven long years ago. 2005 was a long time ago! Even my dog who is curled up next to me on the couch while I type this wasn't in our family then! At that time my husband had already waited a year or maybe two for me to be ready "to give up my body" as I thought of it. I had promised that after this triathlon season, I would be on board. My logic for not pushing for one more year was that "you never know if you'll have trouble getting pregnant", so I didn't want to wait until I was nearing 35. Maybe I did have a premonition. Who knows. I also had a close friend who was also going to start trying at the same time. We talked about how fun it would be to be pregnant at the same time. We would go for slow runs together the following spring and be on maternity leave together in the summer and fall. It was a picture perfect plan.
So...on October 9th, 2005, I raced what I thought would be my last big race before babies and the next day I felt like I was throwing caution to the wind when I didn't start a new pack of pills. I had no idea that what would follow would be months of irregular periods, diligent temping, and questionable ovulation. And for my friend's part, she managed to get pregnant that November but miscarried a few weeks later.
Since that last pack of bcp's seven years ago I have never prevented pregnancy...and I have never gotten pregnant without help. My OB warned me that oftentimes women who had had trouble getting pregnant would then have a surprise pregnancy later. Ha! If only I could be so lucky.
When I reflect on this situation, I don't find bitterness in my heart, but more of a sense of disbelief that I am where I am. I never thought that I would do IVF. I don't feel like there should be anything wrong with me or my body. And I certainly never thought I would be taking bcp's in an attempt to get pregnant.
Go figure that this is my best shot.
The last time I took a birth control pill was seven long years ago. 2005 was a long time ago! Even my dog who is curled up next to me on the couch while I type this wasn't in our family then! At that time my husband had already waited a year or maybe two for me to be ready "to give up my body" as I thought of it. I had promised that after this triathlon season, I would be on board. My logic for not pushing for one more year was that "you never know if you'll have trouble getting pregnant", so I didn't want to wait until I was nearing 35. Maybe I did have a premonition. Who knows. I also had a close friend who was also going to start trying at the same time. We talked about how fun it would be to be pregnant at the same time. We would go for slow runs together the following spring and be on maternity leave together in the summer and fall. It was a picture perfect plan.
So...on October 9th, 2005, I raced what I thought would be my last big race before babies and the next day I felt like I was throwing caution to the wind when I didn't start a new pack of pills. I had no idea that what would follow would be months of irregular periods, diligent temping, and questionable ovulation. And for my friend's part, she managed to get pregnant that November but miscarried a few weeks later.
Since that last pack of bcp's seven years ago I have never prevented pregnancy...and I have never gotten pregnant without help. My OB warned me that oftentimes women who had had trouble getting pregnant would then have a surprise pregnancy later. Ha! If only I could be so lucky.
When I reflect on this situation, I don't find bitterness in my heart, but more of a sense of disbelief that I am where I am. I never thought that I would do IVF. I don't feel like there should be anything wrong with me or my body. And I certainly never thought I would be taking bcp's in an attempt to get pregnant.
Go figure that this is my best shot.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Stockpiling
There are several things about IVF that I am not particularly looking forward to, but the one that will probably be the hardest is the exercise restriction.
I'm don't consider myself crazy or addicted to exercise, but I do like to get out and run at least 6 days a week. I love to run. It's calming for me. It starts my day off right. And I normally use it to ease my stress. So I'm just a bit worried that I will be losing one of my most reliable stress-reducing outlets during this process.
I should count my blessings that my RE has been accommodating and said that I could swim (no flip turns) and bike (road, not mountain) while my ovaries are huge, but I'm still dreading the time away from running.
I have a plan. In preparation for the next month, my goal is to get as much running in as possible and increase the intensity in an attempt to build up my fitness (and burn myself out?) so that maybe the first part of the break will be welcome. There are some local races coming up and my gym at work has some classes that I really enjoy (and that kick my butt, leaving me sore for days!), so I will be getting my butt out there.
Then maybe I won't even notice when the stash of drugs and needles show up at my house....
I'm don't consider myself crazy or addicted to exercise, but I do like to get out and run at least 6 days a week. I love to run. It's calming for me. It starts my day off right. And I normally use it to ease my stress. So I'm just a bit worried that I will be losing one of my most reliable stress-reducing outlets during this process.
I should count my blessings that my RE has been accommodating and said that I could swim (no flip turns) and bike (road, not mountain) while my ovaries are huge, but I'm still dreading the time away from running.
I have a plan. In preparation for the next month, my goal is to get as much running in as possible and increase the intensity in an attempt to build up my fitness (and burn myself out?) so that maybe the first part of the break will be welcome. There are some local races coming up and my gym at work has some classes that I really enjoy (and that kick my butt, leaving me sore for days!), so I will be getting my butt out there.
Then maybe I won't even notice when the stash of drugs and needles show up at my house....
Friday, September 14, 2012
Finally!
Finally, my month of waiting is over. Finally, it's CD1. And finally, I have made a decision that I am happy with.
I decided to go with IVF.
It became clear to us that we want to take our best shot at this sooner rather than later and not leave any cards on the table. I do think that I could get pregnant with Clomid, but I don't know how long it will take. At my age, I don't have the time to stay on this rollercoaster ride for very long. I realize that the IVF may not be successful and that I may not have any embryos that make it to freeze, but I feel most comfortable with going all in and seeing what happens.
I called in to report CD1 this morning and by early afternoon received a tentative schedule:
BCPs: 9/18-10/5
Saline Sonohysterogram: 9/25
IVF training class: 9/28
Lupron injections begin: 10/1
Rest of injections begin: 10/12
Day 5 ultrasound: 10/16
Predicted Retrieval: 10/22
Predicted day 3 transfer: 10/25
Predicted day 5 transfer: 10/27
I'm ready. Let's get the show on the road!
I decided to go with IVF.
It became clear to us that we want to take our best shot at this sooner rather than later and not leave any cards on the table. I do think that I could get pregnant with Clomid, but I don't know how long it will take. At my age, I don't have the time to stay on this rollercoaster ride for very long. I realize that the IVF may not be successful and that I may not have any embryos that make it to freeze, but I feel most comfortable with going all in and seeing what happens.
I called in to report CD1 this morning and by early afternoon received a tentative schedule:
BCPs: 9/18-10/5
Saline Sonohysterogram: 9/25
IVF training class: 9/28
Lupron injections begin: 10/1
Rest of injections begin: 10/12
Day 5 ultrasound: 10/16
Predicted Retrieval: 10/22
Predicted day 3 transfer: 10/25
Predicted day 5 transfer: 10/27
I'm ready. Let's get the show on the road!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Meeting with the RE
So it's now Tuesday night, AF is looking imminent (no miracle natural baby for me!) and I still don't have a final decision.
The meeting went well...but I still don't have an answer. I first spoke with a med student to provide some background information. She asked what our timeline was, which threw me for a loop because originally my husband and I had discussed that we didn't want to go much longer than the end of the year, but that seemed so soon, so I said 6 months...
A few minutes later my doctor walked in and said "So we have six months to get you pregnant!". Eek! She started out by talking about IVF. She talked about the process, made a comment that we would need to be careful about dosage since I am very sensitive to the medication, said she didn't think we didn't need to worry about ICSI, and then said that one decision we would need to make is how many embryos we would want to transfer. I said I only wanted to do one. I hope I have the strength to stick by this decision. She was not against that knowing my history with pre-eclampsia and the potential problems I could have with twins. She said that she had done SETs on 39 year old women before (I don't think it's very common at all), but if I did this, I might want to consider CCS so that we could know that we were transferring a chromosomally normal blast. This wasn't something I had on my radar so it was good to discuss.
We talked a little bit about timing and whether I'd be able to fit an FET in before the end of the year. We concluded that it would be close...
I then asked for her thoughts on Clomid. She was also open to this option and didn't think that waiting until January before doing IVF would impact my egg supply or my chances for getting pregnant. We discussed that we know that I can get pregnant with Clomid, but it's definitely an unknown because you don't know what's failing and how long it will take before we have a successful cycle. She then suggested that we could do Clomid with IUI until the end of the year and then get on BCPs in December to queue up to start IVF after the holidays.
After talking through the logistics a bit more, she was actually leaning towards this option. We have a vacation to Hawaii planned in early November and she was concerned that I wouldn't enjoy the vacation as much as I should because I would still be recovering from the cycle. It's definitely a consideration, but on the other hand, I think it would be nice to be on vacation and away from work during that time.
So...what am I going to do? I'm still not sure. There are definitely pro's and con's to each approach and each has its own appeal. After talking it over with my husband, I realized that it's important for me to make my best effort to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I'm working out in my mind whether or not three Clomid cycles beats out one IVF cycle. I even drew up a decision tree (I know, I know, but clearly nothing else is making the decision clear to me!). I can't really figure out what I'm looking at in terms of probability of success for a single cycle for Clomid, or even IVF. What do you think? 15%? 10% for Clomid? I checked SART and the IVF success rate for my clinic for my age is really low, so I'm not sure what to think about this data. I wanted to put a 30% chance of success on the IVF, but that is not consistent with what the data shows.
I think my last step is to send her a message and get her take on chance of success for each path and go from there. She's put in the order for both Clomid and for IVF, so I just need to call in for CD 1 and have an answer ready when the nurse asks if I'm reporting CD1 for IUI or IVF. I don't have much time. Thank goodness!
The meeting went well...but I still don't have an answer. I first spoke with a med student to provide some background information. She asked what our timeline was, which threw me for a loop because originally my husband and I had discussed that we didn't want to go much longer than the end of the year, but that seemed so soon, so I said 6 months...
A few minutes later my doctor walked in and said "So we have six months to get you pregnant!". Eek! She started out by talking about IVF. She talked about the process, made a comment that we would need to be careful about dosage since I am very sensitive to the medication, said she didn't think we didn't need to worry about ICSI, and then said that one decision we would need to make is how many embryos we would want to transfer. I said I only wanted to do one. I hope I have the strength to stick by this decision. She was not against that knowing my history with pre-eclampsia and the potential problems I could have with twins. She said that she had done SETs on 39 year old women before (I don't think it's very common at all), but if I did this, I might want to consider CCS so that we could know that we were transferring a chromosomally normal blast. This wasn't something I had on my radar so it was good to discuss.
We talked a little bit about timing and whether I'd be able to fit an FET in before the end of the year. We concluded that it would be close...
I then asked for her thoughts on Clomid. She was also open to this option and didn't think that waiting until January before doing IVF would impact my egg supply or my chances for getting pregnant. We discussed that we know that I can get pregnant with Clomid, but it's definitely an unknown because you don't know what's failing and how long it will take before we have a successful cycle. She then suggested that we could do Clomid with IUI until the end of the year and then get on BCPs in December to queue up to start IVF after the holidays.
After talking through the logistics a bit more, she was actually leaning towards this option. We have a vacation to Hawaii planned in early November and she was concerned that I wouldn't enjoy the vacation as much as I should because I would still be recovering from the cycle. It's definitely a consideration, but on the other hand, I think it would be nice to be on vacation and away from work during that time.
So...what am I going to do? I'm still not sure. There are definitely pro's and con's to each approach and each has its own appeal. After talking it over with my husband, I realized that it's important for me to make my best effort to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I'm working out in my mind whether or not three Clomid cycles beats out one IVF cycle. I even drew up a decision tree (I know, I know, but clearly nothing else is making the decision clear to me!). I can't really figure out what I'm looking at in terms of probability of success for a single cycle for Clomid, or even IVF. What do you think? 15%? 10% for Clomid? I checked SART and the IVF success rate for my clinic for my age is really low, so I'm not sure what to think about this data. I wanted to put a 30% chance of success on the IVF, but that is not consistent with what the data shows.
I think my last step is to send her a message and get her take on chance of success for each path and go from there. She's put in the order for both Clomid and for IVF, so I just need to call in for CD 1 and have an answer ready when the nurse asks if I'm reporting CD1 for IUI or IVF. I don't have much time. Thank goodness!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Final Decision
Oops, life has taken over all of my attention this week, so I forgot to update on the nurse phone tag situation. A different nurse eventually called me back last Friday and while we were talking, it became pretty clear that I wasn't going to come to any final conclusion by talking with her. We decided that the best plan was for me to meet with my doctor to discuss options, weigh the pros and cons, and come to a decision together.
I wanted to meet with her before next AF (wouldn't that just suck if I couldn't see her before then?) which is due late next week, so the nurse put in a request with the scheduling people and now I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.
I have been fully consumed with family this week so I haven't had a chance to prepare for tomorrow's meeting, but I think I have it all in my mind and just need to organize my thoughts so we can walk through the options and get her perspective on the best way to proceed.
I expect to have some clarity tomorrow. Finally.
I wanted to meet with her before next AF (wouldn't that just suck if I couldn't see her before then?) which is due late next week, so the nurse put in a request with the scheduling people and now I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon.
I have been fully consumed with family this week so I haven't had a chance to prepare for tomorrow's meeting, but I think I have it all in my mind and just need to organize my thoughts so we can walk through the options and get her perspective on the best way to proceed.
I expect to have some clarity tomorrow. Finally.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
IV-F?
While we were out of town this weekend, we had dinner with some friends who went through maybe five IVFs several years ago and eventually got pregnant with twins using donor eggs.
When we walked into their house, we were greeted by their two dogs Rusty and Ivy. We were petting the dogs a bit later in the evening when the wife explained that Ivy joined their family after their first IVF failed and she was actually named IV (they left off the F for failure!). It's amazing the things you learn at dinner parties....
I thought this was cute and funny, but I realize that it's only cute because they were eventually successful and now they have two healthy 5 year old boys. I can't imagine what would have happened if their final attempt had not been successful. Would they always look at their dog and think about what could have been?
They say that infertility can stay with you forever. I guess this is just another example of how people handle it.
When we walked into their house, we were greeted by their two dogs Rusty and Ivy. We were petting the dogs a bit later in the evening when the wife explained that Ivy joined their family after their first IVF failed and she was actually named IV (they left off the F for failure!). It's amazing the things you learn at dinner parties....
I thought this was cute and funny, but I realize that it's only cute because they were eventually successful and now they have two healthy 5 year old boys. I can't imagine what would have happened if their final attempt had not been successful. Would they always look at their dog and think about what could have been?
They say that infertility can stay with you forever. I guess this is just another example of how people handle it.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Off for the weekend
I have been playing phone tag with the nurse for three days now. She has only called in the afternoon, and the one time she did call when I was free, she called at my desk phone. I asked if I could call her back from my cell phone (because who really wants to talk about IVF in a cube in the middle of an open air office space?! Not me.) and in the 60 seconds it took me to call back, she was busy with another patient. Doh. It's a good thing I have a couple of weeks to work on this.
In the meantime, I'm still vacillating a bit on the plan, but when I read things that remind me that I'm 39, I think, "Holy cow, that's old. Get on this baby-making thing!"
But for now, it's a holiday weekend and we're heading up to the mountains with some friends. I'm so excited. I can't remember the last time we went away on a holiday weekend. I swear, it has to have been 10 years. Yes, I'm a bit of a home body, but this little getaway will be great...as long as I can pack quickly!
Have a great one!
In the meantime, I'm still vacillating a bit on the plan, but when I read things that remind me that I'm 39, I think, "Holy cow, that's old. Get on this baby-making thing!"
But for now, it's a holiday weekend and we're heading up to the mountains with some friends. I'm so excited. I can't remember the last time we went away on a holiday weekend. I swear, it has to have been 10 years. Yes, I'm a bit of a home body, but this little getaway will be great...as long as I can pack quickly!
Have a great one!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Decisions, decisions
My brother's wife gave birth to their first baby this afternoon. Wow. There's nothing quite like holding a brand new baby to make you want one of your own NOW! If it hadn't been after 5PM when I first held him, I probably would have excused myself from the hospital room so I could call my RE's office and sign up for IVF!
After having babies on my mind pretty much all day, I have decided that I do want to make sure to fit in an IVF cycle in this year, but I also want make sure that I have more than one chance to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I need to find out whether there is enough time to fit in both a fresh cycle and a frozen one before the lab closes. If not, I think I'll do one Clomid IUI cycle before IVF. And if both those fail, I'll try to get on the frozen cycle as quickly as possible next year. I won't think about what happens if both the IVF and FET fail. I can't process that right now.
I know that I sound like I'm rushing to fit in these cycles, but I turn 39 in a few days and I feel such pressure to get pregnant asap. For some reason I set an invisible goal of having this baby before I turn 40. Not smart. I know I need to change the rules for myself and cut myself some slack, but I just can't do that right now. Soon, hopefully.
In the meantime, though, I have a tentative plan. How am I feeling? Happy to have a plan and interested to see where things go once I have more information. And secretly hopeful that somehow I get to be one of those incredibly lucky people who get the surprise BFP in that last cycle before IVF. Fingers crossed for now.
After having babies on my mind pretty much all day, I have decided that I do want to make sure to fit in an IVF cycle in this year, but I also want make sure that I have more than one chance to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I need to find out whether there is enough time to fit in both a fresh cycle and a frozen one before the lab closes. If not, I think I'll do one Clomid IUI cycle before IVF. And if both those fail, I'll try to get on the frozen cycle as quickly as possible next year. I won't think about what happens if both the IVF and FET fail. I can't process that right now.
I know that I sound like I'm rushing to fit in these cycles, but I turn 39 in a few days and I feel such pressure to get pregnant asap. For some reason I set an invisible goal of having this baby before I turn 40. Not smart. I know I need to change the rules for myself and cut myself some slack, but I just can't do that right now. Soon, hopefully.
In the meantime, though, I have a tentative plan. How am I feeling? Happy to have a plan and interested to see where things go once I have more information. And secretly hopeful that somehow I get to be one of those incredibly lucky people who get the surprise BFP in that last cycle before IVF. Fingers crossed for now.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Some answers
Thanks for all your thoughtful comments as I make my way through this roller coaster
A few of you asked some questions and although they were probably rhetorical, I think I'll still answer them anyway. :)
What did my doctor recommend?
While I haven't specifically asked that question, she's always said that my situation is "very hopeful" and has thought that I could have gotten pregnant on my first two cycles. I have asked her a few times what choices other patients make, and she says that some like to go to IVF right away because they don't want to wait and want to increase their odds of getting pregnant now.
She has hinted that IVF would provide us more control since with the IUI, you just don't know what is failing in the process. My body is extremely sensitive to the Follistim so I think she would prefer IVF so she wouldn't have to be so careful about developing too many follicles while stimming.
She also knows that a multiple pregnancy would not be good for me. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension with both my pregnancies, so I would worry about having twins. IVF with single embryo transfer would be a good way to limit that possibility to whatever chance there is of having identical twins.
With all that being said, I think she thinks I can get pregnant without IVF. As she puts it, "it's a matter of the right sperm meeting the right egg". So it really comes down to what's most important to me and what I'm willing to do.
What would I regret more: having two failed Clomid cycles and having to wait until 2013 to do IVF or jumping into IVF and having a BFN and then going back to Clomid and getting a BFP? Would I regret the money spent on IVF?
I'm extremely lucky that my insurance will cover the IVF, so I have been able to keep the money aspect of this decision out of the picture. If I had to pay for this out of pocket, I honestly don't know what I would do. I can't even imagine having to add that to the equation!
The part of Clomid that is so appealing to me is that I can almost pretend that I got pregnant normally, but with IVF, I will invest to much time plus physical and emotional energy, a BFN would mean so much more than a Clomid BFN.
So what would I regret more? Hmm, still working on that.
Does my clinic require a Clomid challenge test as part of the protocol?
No, it sounds like they will let me jump right into BCPs when AF arrives in a few weeks.
So if I go for it, it means is that I would basically have one chance to get pregnant from August through the end of the year. Talk about pressure.
So...how am I feeling now? A bit frustrated with myself for not thinking this through before and anticipating the cancelled cycle. If I had been ready to make the jump as soon as we found the cyst, I bet I could have saved a month and started BCPs right away. As it stands now, I am benched this cycle and then would be on BCPs next month. Bummer. I know I can't dwell on what's already happened. I expect that I will call the nurse back to discuss some potential dates.
Does anyone know...if an IVF fails, how quickly can you turn around and do an FET? I'm just wondering if I went for it and was lucky enough to have some embryos to freeze, would I be able to squeeze an FET in before the lab closes for the holidays?
A few of you asked some questions and although they were probably rhetorical, I think I'll still answer them anyway. :)
What did my doctor recommend?
While I haven't specifically asked that question, she's always said that my situation is "very hopeful" and has thought that I could have gotten pregnant on my first two cycles. I have asked her a few times what choices other patients make, and she says that some like to go to IVF right away because they don't want to wait and want to increase their odds of getting pregnant now.
She has hinted that IVF would provide us more control since with the IUI, you just don't know what is failing in the process. My body is extremely sensitive to the Follistim so I think she would prefer IVF so she wouldn't have to be so careful about developing too many follicles while stimming.
She also knows that a multiple pregnancy would not be good for me. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension with both my pregnancies, so I would worry about having twins. IVF with single embryo transfer would be a good way to limit that possibility to whatever chance there is of having identical twins.
With all that being said, I think she thinks I can get pregnant without IVF. As she puts it, "it's a matter of the right sperm meeting the right egg". So it really comes down to what's most important to me and what I'm willing to do.
What would I regret more: having two failed Clomid cycles and having to wait until 2013 to do IVF or jumping into IVF and having a BFN and then going back to Clomid and getting a BFP? Would I regret the money spent on IVF?
I'm extremely lucky that my insurance will cover the IVF, so I have been able to keep the money aspect of this decision out of the picture. If I had to pay for this out of pocket, I honestly don't know what I would do. I can't even imagine having to add that to the equation!
The part of Clomid that is so appealing to me is that I can almost pretend that I got pregnant normally, but with IVF, I will invest to much time plus physical and emotional energy, a BFN would mean so much more than a Clomid BFN.
So what would I regret more? Hmm, still working on that.
Does my clinic require a Clomid challenge test as part of the protocol?
No, it sounds like they will let me jump right into BCPs when AF arrives in a few weeks.
So if I go for it, it means is that I would basically have one chance to get pregnant from August through the end of the year. Talk about pressure.
So...how am I feeling now? A bit frustrated with myself for not thinking this through before and anticipating the cancelled cycle. If I had been ready to make the jump as soon as we found the cyst, I bet I could have saved a month and started BCPs right away. As it stands now, I am benched this cycle and then would be on BCPs next month. Bummer. I know I can't dwell on what's already happened. I expect that I will call the nurse back to discuss some potential dates.
Does anyone know...if an IVF fails, how quickly can you turn around and do an FET? I'm just wondering if I went for it and was lucky enough to have some embryos to freeze, would I be able to squeeze an FET in before the lab closes for the holidays?
Saturday, August 25, 2012
See-saw
Ugh, I wish I were more decisive (and less analytical...and more confident in my decisions...and less compelled to be the devil's advocate. The list goes on!).
I had almost convinced myself that one or two more Clomid cycles was the way to go before jumping into IVF, but then I was reading some blogs from people who have been through IVF (this is so helpful!) and I realized that maybe I should just go for it. If I try to sneak in a Clomid cycle or two, I won't be able to get to IVF before the end of the year. I'll be out of town the first week of November, in a class the last week of November, and then the lab is closed the last half of December, so I will probably miss the cut-off for starting an IVF cycle. I should check on that, but it doesn't look good for a mid November start.
Plus, will I just feel stupid if I go for Clomid and I end up with two more BFNs? Or will I be happy that I was able to cycle two or three more times this year vs. 1 with IVF? I'm not even sure if I'd be able to fit in two cycles if I go with IVF.
Just...Ugh!
So how am I feeling now? Confused!
I had almost convinced myself that one or two more Clomid cycles was the way to go before jumping into IVF, but then I was reading some blogs from people who have been through IVF (this is so helpful!) and I realized that maybe I should just go for it. If I try to sneak in a Clomid cycle or two, I won't be able to get to IVF before the end of the year. I'll be out of town the first week of November, in a class the last week of November, and then the lab is closed the last half of December, so I will probably miss the cut-off for starting an IVF cycle. I should check on that, but it doesn't look good for a mid November start.
Plus, will I just feel stupid if I go for Clomid and I end up with two more BFNs? Or will I be happy that I was able to cycle two or three more times this year vs. 1 with IVF? I'm not even sure if I'd be able to fit in two cycles if I go with IVF.
Just...Ugh!
So how am I feeling now? Confused!
Friday, August 24, 2012
More information!
Wow, I'm beginning to bore myself with all this IVF information and introspection, but I know it needs to be done for me to make a decision. The nurse called me again yesterday afternoon. Apparently after we got off the phone the other day, she sent a note to my doctor to ask if she would put together a protocol for me...and she did. Sweet! So now I can cancel that appointment in a couple of weeks because I have most of the information I was looking for.
So what did I find out? She would put me on the long IVF protocol (it sounds pretty standard) with 25 days of BCPs, a hysteroscopy (boo!), 125 IU Follistim, and other details I don't recall. She started giving me information about dosing of Lupron and Menopur, but I didn't catch all the details.
She's going to have the insurance coordinator call me so that I can get confirmation on what my insurance covers. I do hope that it's mostly covered so that I can continue to base my decision on my level of comfort of one treatment vs. another.
How am I feeling now? Still leaning towards Clomid for one or two cycles. I've pretty much closed the door on IUI with injectables, so obviously the IVF is still on the table either now, or in a few months. I just need to look at a calendar to see if this will impact ability to immediately proceed with IVF if they fail....
So what did I find out? She would put me on the long IVF protocol (it sounds pretty standard) with 25 days of BCPs, a hysteroscopy (boo!), 125 IU Follistim, and other details I don't recall. She started giving me information about dosing of Lupron and Menopur, but I didn't catch all the details.
She's going to have the insurance coordinator call me so that I can get confirmation on what my insurance covers. I do hope that it's mostly covered so that I can continue to base my decision on my level of comfort of one treatment vs. another.
How am I feeling now? Still leaning towards Clomid for one or two cycles. I've pretty much closed the door on IUI with injectables, so obviously the IVF is still on the table either now, or in a few months. I just need to look at a calendar to see if this will impact ability to immediately proceed with IVF if they fail....
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Baby Steps
I called the clinic on Tuesday and spoke with one of the nurses, and I'm very glad I did.
The nurse was very patient and spent a lot of time answering my questions. She reviewed the general process, which I mostly knew, and mentioned that I would need to take a class and sign a bunch of consents. However, there were a couple of answers that she gave me that left me scratching my head.
She made a comment that we would review the schedule and make sure that the dates would work because there would be frequent monitoring appointments while stimming and I would need to be in town. She said that the entire process from BCPs to pregnancy test was 6 weeks. Does that sound right? I thought you took BCPs for 3 weeks. Is is really only three weeks from starting to stim through beta only three weeks? I don't know. I'm confused. I think I need to do some more research.
I also asked about exercise limitations. I have always used exercise to reduce my stress levels (good thing since they are often high!), so I want to make sure that my expectations are set up front. I can't imagine that going through this will not be stressful, especially when thoughts of failure start to creep in. She said that exercise will need to be stopped after the 4th day of stimming. Okay, that makes sense. Running around with huge ovaries presents a big risk for torsion. When I asked what to expect if I get pregnant, she gave me the textbook "keep your heartrate under 140" and don't exercise until you're out of the first trimester. I asked if that's because the ovaries will be enlarged and she just said that the most risk to a pregnancy is in the first trimester and that you don't want to do anything to endanger the pregnancy. I get that. I really do. However, I know that it's okay to exercise during a normal pregnancy, so if I'm going to not exercise, I would expect that it's due to a difference between a normal pregnancy and an IVF one, rather than just a general concern about the first trimester (because people exercise through a normal first trimester all the time). Again, I need more info....
The current plan is to meet up with my RE in a few weeks to get her take on a proposed plan and protocol and get some more questions answered. We'll see how that goes and how I feel about making the jump.
How am I feeling right now? A little bit anxious and like maybe I should try a Clomid cycle as a last ditch effort. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I wish the answer was more clear to me. Deep breath and take one baby step at a time....
The nurse was very patient and spent a lot of time answering my questions. She reviewed the general process, which I mostly knew, and mentioned that I would need to take a class and sign a bunch of consents. However, there were a couple of answers that she gave me that left me scratching my head.
She made a comment that we would review the schedule and make sure that the dates would work because there would be frequent monitoring appointments while stimming and I would need to be in town. She said that the entire process from BCPs to pregnancy test was 6 weeks. Does that sound right? I thought you took BCPs for 3 weeks. Is is really only three weeks from starting to stim through beta only three weeks? I don't know. I'm confused. I think I need to do some more research.
I also asked about exercise limitations. I have always used exercise to reduce my stress levels (good thing since they are often high!), so I want to make sure that my expectations are set up front. I can't imagine that going through this will not be stressful, especially when thoughts of failure start to creep in. She said that exercise will need to be stopped after the 4th day of stimming. Okay, that makes sense. Running around with huge ovaries presents a big risk for torsion. When I asked what to expect if I get pregnant, she gave me the textbook "keep your heartrate under 140" and don't exercise until you're out of the first trimester. I asked if that's because the ovaries will be enlarged and she just said that the most risk to a pregnancy is in the first trimester and that you don't want to do anything to endanger the pregnancy. I get that. I really do. However, I know that it's okay to exercise during a normal pregnancy, so if I'm going to not exercise, I would expect that it's due to a difference between a normal pregnancy and an IVF one, rather than just a general concern about the first trimester (because people exercise through a normal first trimester all the time). Again, I need more info....
The current plan is to meet up with my RE in a few weeks to get her take on a proposed plan and protocol and get some more questions answered. We'll see how that goes and how I feel about making the jump.
How am I feeling right now? A little bit anxious and like maybe I should try a Clomid cycle as a last ditch effort. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I wish the answer was more clear to me. Deep breath and take one baby step at a time....
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Welcome ICLW
Welcome ICLW'ers! I'm Shelley. I've recently returned to the IF blog world as I am attempting to get pregnant and am contemplating upping the ante and taking the IVF plunge.
I have two children and it took me a long time (and a bit of help) to get pregnant with each of them. This time around I've done one Clomid cycle and two injectable IUI cycles. I am on the bench this month with a cancelled cycle due to a cyst on my right ovary.
Sometimes I hesitate and wonder if maybe this isn't the right community since I already have two kids, but I've found that going through IF is still a difficult thing to endure and as I wade my way through my feelings about IVF, it is so helpful to read about others' experiences. I am a strong believer that knowledge is power.
Thanks for stopping by!
Monday, August 20, 2012
One more reason
I don't exactly love my job. There have been a lot of changes in the past few years and I'm not thrilled with where things are going. I would really like to find a new job, but there are a few things holding me back.
At the top of the list are the benefits. The company I work for is a good company and has very good benefits, including rock star coverage for infertility treatment and meds. I know that I need to stay until I either reach the coverage limits or until I no longer need the coverage (fingers crossed that it's the latter). And in the meantime, I hope that I can influence some change in our group....
The other reasons that I feel like I need to stay are related to maternity leave and a general discomfort with getting pregnant and having a new job. I think that allowed maternity leave (and possibly your disability coverage) is less for people who have been at the company for less than a year. Plus, I just don't feel good about getting a job when I hope to be going out on leave for 4+ months starting next spring. (Feel free to play along with my feigned confidence that I will be getting pregnant soon....)
I don't want to be stuck here forever. I've had some other "handcuffs" that have kept me here through this summer, and I know that I need to stay one more year to take advantage of the insurance and maternity leave benefits. But I think it makes sense to do what I need to do to give myself the best chance possible to get pregnant asap so that in another year or so, I can decide to stay or go based on the job, not on the benefits.
I wonder when I would need to call the clinic if I wanted to proceed with an IVF cycle next month?
At the top of the list are the benefits. The company I work for is a good company and has very good benefits, including rock star coverage for infertility treatment and meds. I know that I need to stay until I either reach the coverage limits or until I no longer need the coverage (fingers crossed that it's the latter). And in the meantime, I hope that I can influence some change in our group....
The other reasons that I feel like I need to stay are related to maternity leave and a general discomfort with getting pregnant and having a new job. I think that allowed maternity leave (and possibly your disability coverage) is less for people who have been at the company for less than a year. Plus, I just don't feel good about getting a job when I hope to be going out on leave for 4+ months starting next spring. (Feel free to play along with my feigned confidence that I will be getting pregnant soon....)
I don't want to be stuck here forever. I've had some other "handcuffs" that have kept me here through this summer, and I know that I need to stay one more year to take advantage of the insurance and maternity leave benefits. But I think it makes sense to do what I need to do to give myself the best chance possible to get pregnant asap so that in another year or so, I can decide to stay or go based on the job, not on the benefits.
I wonder when I would need to call the clinic if I wanted to proceed with an IVF cycle next month?
Sunday, August 19, 2012
So many thoughts
Making the jump from IUI to IVF is a huge deal for me to even consider. I have so many things running through my head and I just don't know how to untangle them so that I can come to terms with the path that I think I will need to take. My daily runs, which are normally my time to just be, have been muddled with obsessive analysis of this decision.
When I first visited my OB several years ago after not conceiving after over a year of trying, just taking Clomid to try to get pregnant was a big step. Now I am at a place where I consider injectables to be a benign course of treatment. I can't believe that I, someone who has always been scared of needles, am now considering something that would require dozens of shots, quite a few blood draws, and a variety of medications that will wreak havoc on my hormones. It makes me cringe to just think about it.
My history consists of 2 pregnancies resulting from 7 cycles on Clomid, and 0 pregnancies plus 2 big cysts resulting from 4 cycles on Follistim. What's the best next step?
I'm sure my doctor would agree to a cycle or two on Clomid, and it's tempting to test out this path. But is that a smart way to go? I don't feel like I have unlimited time. Yes, it's a self-imposed timeline, but I do need to take the needs of my family into consideration as well. I don't want to be cycling month after month for the next year. The emotional and physical toll would certainly impact all of us. Plus, I have no idea what the quality of my eggs are these days. Yes, there are a lot of them, but are any of them still good???? Does it make sense to try? I don't know...but man, it would be so great to get pregnant on a Clomid cycle. It's so low maintenance: it's an oral medication, each cycle requires fewer monitoring appointments, and Endometrin is not required for luteal support. So nice!
I could do some more injectable cycles, but I don't exactly feel confident in my chance for success and I fear that I could be in the exact same situation six months down the road. If I were to continue down this path, I would expect to end up with another cyst after two cycles because I've always had either a cyst or a 10-11 mm follicle after an injectable cycle. So that would be just great: try for two cycles, sit a cycle out. Repeat. Oh yeah, and don't forget to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant with twins.
So then there's IVF, which seems to be the direction I'm heading towards. Aside from all the injections plust the retrieval being scary, I have reservations going to this level of effort to get pregnant when I already have two children. Or maybe that's just a cop out. I don't know if it feels reckless or maybe ungrateful, but in some ways, I feel like maybe I should be content with what I have and stick with treatments that involve less intervention. On the other hand, who sets that rule? Me? If so, then why can't I change it? Why can't I feel good about wanting to add a child to my family and being willing to go to great lengths to do this? Why not? It would solve a few of the issues I have with my current treatment and gives a better chance of success sooner.
It seems like a slam dunk when I think of it that way, but it's just still very scary. I think I need a few more days before I'll have the guts to make the call.
When I first visited my OB several years ago after not conceiving after over a year of trying, just taking Clomid to try to get pregnant was a big step. Now I am at a place where I consider injectables to be a benign course of treatment. I can't believe that I, someone who has always been scared of needles, am now considering something that would require dozens of shots, quite a few blood draws, and a variety of medications that will wreak havoc on my hormones. It makes me cringe to just think about it.
My history consists of 2 pregnancies resulting from 7 cycles on Clomid, and 0 pregnancies plus 2 big cysts resulting from 4 cycles on Follistim. What's the best next step?
I'm sure my doctor would agree to a cycle or two on Clomid, and it's tempting to test out this path. But is that a smart way to go? I don't feel like I have unlimited time. Yes, it's a self-imposed timeline, but I do need to take the needs of my family into consideration as well. I don't want to be cycling month after month for the next year. The emotional and physical toll would certainly impact all of us. Plus, I have no idea what the quality of my eggs are these days. Yes, there are a lot of them, but are any of them still good???? Does it make sense to try? I don't know...but man, it would be so great to get pregnant on a Clomid cycle. It's so low maintenance: it's an oral medication, each cycle requires fewer monitoring appointments, and Endometrin is not required for luteal support. So nice!
I could do some more injectable cycles, but I don't exactly feel confident in my chance for success and I fear that I could be in the exact same situation six months down the road. If I were to continue down this path, I would expect to end up with another cyst after two cycles because I've always had either a cyst or a 10-11 mm follicle after an injectable cycle. So that would be just great: try for two cycles, sit a cycle out. Repeat. Oh yeah, and don't forget to worry about the possibility of getting pregnant with twins.
So then there's IVF, which seems to be the direction I'm heading towards. Aside from all the injections plust the retrieval being scary, I have reservations going to this level of effort to get pregnant when I already have two children. Or maybe that's just a cop out. I don't know if it feels reckless or maybe ungrateful, but in some ways, I feel like maybe I should be content with what I have and stick with treatments that involve less intervention. On the other hand, who sets that rule? Me? If so, then why can't I change it? Why can't I feel good about wanting to add a child to my family and being willing to go to great lengths to do this? Why not? It would solve a few of the issues I have with my current treatment and gives a better chance of success sooner.
It seems like a slam dunk when I think of it that way, but it's just still very scary. I think I need a few more days before I'll have the guts to make the call.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Setbacks
I went in for my baseline ultrasound this morning and the doctor found a cyst. Cycle cancelled. Argh!
I had expected a cyst last month (I had several after my very first cycle of injectables a few years ago), but I was able to continue with one enlarged follicle. I just figured that my body had figured out how to deal with the drugs and that I wouldn't have a problem today. It was not to be. The cyst was 42mm.
Everything else looked good. Lining was 3.8 and I had 14 antral follicles on the right side and 10 on the left. Not bad for some old ovaries.
We talked about next steps and whether/how long it made sense to continue down the IUI with injectables path. We talked a bit about IVF and the pros and cons of it vs IUI. It's definitely food for thought and I'm sure I will spend a good amount of time thinking about this in the next few weeks. For now, though, I will let the seed just sit in the back of my mind so I can think about what we want and what we are willing to do.
I had expected a cyst last month (I had several after my very first cycle of injectables a few years ago), but I was able to continue with one enlarged follicle. I just figured that my body had figured out how to deal with the drugs and that I wouldn't have a problem today. It was not to be. The cyst was 42mm.
Everything else looked good. Lining was 3.8 and I had 14 antral follicles on the right side and 10 on the left. Not bad for some old ovaries.
We talked about next steps and whether/how long it made sense to continue down the IUI with injectables path. We talked a bit about IVF and the pros and cons of it vs IUI. It's definitely food for thought and I'm sure I will spend a good amount of time thinking about this in the next few weeks. For now, though, I will let the seed just sit in the back of my mind so I can think about what we want and what we are willing to do.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Back at it
Wow. It's been 2 1/2 years since I've posted on my blog. Just...wow. It's amazing that here I am, in a similar place that I was in three years ago...wanting a baby and needing help.
Sure, having two kids makes it a different situation. In many ways...and for many people...a family of four is perfect. And we, too, are a happy family of four. Munchkin is 4 1/2 and Mini Munch just turned two a couple of weeks ago. Things are good. But for some reason, I have this idea that our family is meant to be a family of 5 (plus canines). And luckily my husband wants the same.
So here we are. Here I am. CD1 was yesterday. I've been back to the RE and I just completed my second cycle on injectables. I also did an unmonitored clomid cycle in May/June with some leftover pills. No luck yet. The doctor says my situation is very hopeful. Ovarian reserve is good. And my body is still crazy sensitive to the Follistim. Now it's just a matter of my body putting all the pieces together in a cycle.
I hope this turns out to be a short adventure. :)
Sure, having two kids makes it a different situation. In many ways...and for many people...a family of four is perfect. And we, too, are a happy family of four. Munchkin is 4 1/2 and Mini Munch just turned two a couple of weeks ago. Things are good. But for some reason, I have this idea that our family is meant to be a family of 5 (plus canines). And luckily my husband wants the same.
So here we are. Here I am. CD1 was yesterday. I've been back to the RE and I just completed my second cycle on injectables. I also did an unmonitored clomid cycle in May/June with some leftover pills. No luck yet. The doctor says my situation is very hopeful. Ovarian reserve is good. And my body is still crazy sensitive to the Follistim. Now it's just a matter of my body putting all the pieces together in a cycle.
I hope this turns out to be a short adventure. :)
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