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So let's just say that I went for a run this morning.  And I'm not going to lie.  It felt great!  And it was just what I needed.

As the day went on yesterday, the situation was very clear: not pregnant and AF was trying to start.  I went through the motions and continued to take the Endometrin, but I knew...so I prepared myself.  I laid out my running clothes last night and left the walking ones in the dresser.  And this morning I went into the bathroom armed with a pregnancy test and a tampon.  And then as soon as the result came up, I got dressed, woke up my dog, and off we went. 

I could tell that my ovaries are still enlarged, but not overly so.  We went 5 miles and there wasn't any point where I felt like I should not be running (which is a good thing because it was 48 degrees out and I was wearing shorts!).

The disappointment comes in waves.  I had a lot riding on this cycle in terms of what I wanted for my family, but I am adjusting.  I have heard that some people do better on frozen cycles because their bodies aren't messed up from all the drugs, so I really hope that's what the problem was with this cycle.  I can't think too much about what I will do if the FET fails. 

I haven't called the clinic yet to plan out my next steps, but I do have a tentative plan.  As much as I hate to do it, I think I need to take this month off.  I could jump straight into an FET, but I'm not so sure that I will be ovulating this month and I also don't have time in my schedule when I return from vacation to get in the office for any monitoring.  So if they will let me, I would like to do a combo Clomid/FET cycle next month.  Take Clomid to get myself to ovulate, and if the timing works, then go with the FET, but if the timing runs up against the lab closure at year end, just make it a natural Clomid cycle.  I've never heard of anyone doing this, but I kind of like the idea.  Let's see if I can make it fly.

And if that doesn't work, who knows.  I will be hitting my insurance maximum for infertility treatments and I had thought that we would just stop if this didn't work, but now I'm not so sure.  I guess I thought I'd have one more frozen embryo to work with.  Anyway, we talked this morning about the possibility of switching over to my husband's insurance next year.  His company gives 70% coverage, which is better than nothing, so we'll look at his plan and see if our other doctors are covered and then make a decision.  The thought of coming away from this process empty handed is not something I'm ready to concede to yet.