Here we go again

My body must have been traumatized by the failed IVF cycle, because I had a 41 day cycle!

It seems like everything is back to normal though.  AF showed up on Thursday and I had a baseline ultrasound Friday morning.  Everything looked good, there were no cysts and I was cleared to begin a Clomid cycle for IUI or FET depending on when I ovulate.  I need to trigger no earlier than the 26th (CD14) in order to fit in the FET.  I think the timing should be okay based on how I have responded to Clomid in the past, but we'll see how it goes.

Right after AF arrived on Thursday, I started really thinking (and worrying!) about this FET.  When I was doing the fresh cycle, I felt very positive about having a good outcome and although I forced myself to think about the possibility of it failing, I really expected it to work.  When it did fail, the only silver lining that I could come up with was that now I wouldn't have to worry about discarding/donating any unused embryos.  Kind of weak, I know. 

I don't have that same confidence with this cycle, and the likelihood of failure looms large.  If it doesn't work, it's back to another fresh cycle, which is something I hadn't considered as a likely scenario several months ago.  I want to be optimistic and expect it to work, but it's just so hard (and probably not prudent).  I only have one embryo and who knows, it may not even survive the thaw.  I know that I shouldn't focus on that, since it's not in my control, but it's hard.  I guess I'll just try to not think about this at all until I reach the first hurdle of not ovulating too early.  I have a monitoring ultrasound scheduled for next Sunday.  Until then, I wait.