Temptations

I am dying over here.  Here I am, 4DP6DT, working from home trying to write up my accomplishments for the year (something which normally causes me to procrastinate for hours), and there's a little cheapy HPT in the bathroom cupboard calling my name.  

I am not normally the type to test early.  I think I like to feel like am in control, so the times that I have tested and they have been negative, I got upset with myself and wondered how I could have possibly thought that I was pregnant.  A couple of months ago, I was so sure that I was pregnant that I laid down a whole $3 to buy three tests.  I tested at 12 DPO and nothing.  Then the following month I just wanted confirmation a few days ahead of AF that my hail mary cycle was a fail, so I tested at 11 DPO.  And here I am with one more test, trying to hold out for a day or two.  

I guess I feel like it could be positive.  The last few days I have had hope...not due to any symptoms, but simply because IVF should work, and doing PGD should have increased my chances even more.  I definitely can't go by symptoms because I have been pregnant twice, and both those times, I was certain that the cycle was a failure.  And I have been not pregnant many many times, and there were (and have been recently) plenty of cycles where I was pretty sure that it had worked.  So clearly my pregnancy barometer is poorly calibrated. 

So here I am, acting very childish.  I defiantly emptied my bladder a couple of hours ago to eliminate the temptation temporarily.  I think I can hold out.  Wish me luck.  I'm not sure I want to process any data, positive or negative, just yet.