The aftermath

Gosh, I have been so sad.  I went into work yesterday afternoon and it provided a good distraction for several hours.  This is a lot to process.  I couldn't bring myself to tell my husband what had happened until it was getting close to bedtime.  Part of the reason was that the kids were pretty excited about all the fun they had at preschool for Valentine's Day and I needed the house quiet to bring up the subject.  I felt so bad telling him.  Throughout the evening I kept trying different approaches in my mind and I just couldn't find one that didn't make me cry.  I was hoping to break it to him easy, but I guess that's just not possible.

So we cried together and talked a little bit about whether we had it in us to go through this again.  Everything about this hurts.

We both feel such a sense of loss of what could have been.  I know this is natural and part of the process, but it's just so hard.  I keep thinking of various events over the coming months and how different they will be now that I'm not pregnant anymore.

I called my RE this morning, and lucky me, I get to go in again tomorrow to "have a look and discuss next steps".  I guess they need to document the situation for themselves since my appointment yesterday was with my OB.  What a great way to spend a long weekend.

As for the future, it's so hard to think about going through all of this again, but I don't have time to waste either, so when we talk about the options tomorrow, I'll need to consider what is the best option in terms of getting back on the horse as soon as possible.  It's like a punch in the stomach.  I guess I'd better go back to my mantra: one day at a time.