10DP6DT - Beta Day

Let me give you the outcome first: my beta came back at 77!

I am shocked, relieved, and so very happy!

I never made it to the store this weekend to pick up an HPT, so I went in blind to my beta this morning.  That was a new experience!  On Saturday I figured I would just wait to see if AF would start on Sunday and then when it didn't, I just couldn't sneak out during the day to get to the store before we met up with my family for dinner.  By the time we got home, none of the stores close by were still open.

I used those stupid OPKs both yesterday and today, and the lines on the test from Saturday, yesterday and today were all exactly the same!  I didn't go into the clinic today with any sort of confidence, but I still had a small glimmer of hope because I had no signs of AF.  This is a first for me.  In all the cycles that I have used progesterone, I've had break-through bleeding by 14DPO, and so when there were no signs of AF yesterday, I thought that just maybe I could be pregnant even though I had never used progesterone with Clomid.

So the call came in while I was eating lunch with some visiting coworkers from Europe.  My heart started pounding.  It was then that I realized that I had some hope.  I didn't take the call since the cafeteria was really loud and I really didn't want to hear the apologetic tone of the nurse's voice.  When I got back to my desk, I still couldn't bear to listen to the message, so I logged on to the online system to retrieve my test results.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the 77!

Jill - I'm so glad you were right.  Those little frozen embryos certainly take their sweet time to implant.

I'll head back to the clinic either Wednesday or Thursday for the repeat beta.

Thanks you guys for your support.  That sounds silly, but I mean it.  I know there are only a few of you reading, but I really do appreciate your comments and encouragement.  Last week tough and you really helped me get through it.

This is not a bad way to celebrate my 100th post.  :)

8DP6DT - Not good

Damn that progesterone.  Just like too many other months, I was so sure that I was pregnant and all I had to do was wait long enough so the HCG would be detected.  I swear, the effects of the drug seem to be stronger after transfer than before.  And I was fooled...again.

So anyway, as soon as my husband left for work on Thursday morning, I quickly took a test just so I wouldn't agonize about it all day.  I only had a few minutes before my first teleconference of the day so I moved quickly.  I got a huge pit in my stomach as I watched the test do absolutely nothing.  I came back a few minutes later (after the test results were no longer valid) to find an evaporation line.  Nice consolation prize.  I thought that maybe it wasn't an evap line and maybe there was hope.  So I pulled another test out a few hours later.  Same thing.  And then again yesterday morning, I used FMU to test at 7DPT.  Same thing.  All three tests have the same evaporation line.

I am now out of tests and have downgraded to OPKs.  Geez, talk about desperate!  There was a light line on that test, but OPKs work differently than HPTs, so it's looking pretty negative to me.

The thing that irks me is that I continue to have symptoms that would make me think I was pregnant if I didn't have a pile of negative HPTs as proof otherwise.  And I don't have the usual symptoms that AF is coming.  Argh!

Yesterday and Thursday were sad days for me.  I had to start thinking about going through another IVF and dealing with the headaches and other side effects of Lupron...things that I was really hoping to avoid.  I did end up running on Thursday afternoon and it just felt sloppy.  Yuck.  Also, I haven't told my husband yet.  I need to find a quiet time.  This morning I realized that I made a mistake when I made dinner reservations for 10 instead of 8 and when my brother asked me who the 10 people were, my husband said I should have told him that I was pregnant with twins.  Funny on most days, but I almost broke into tears.

Beta is still Monday.  Normally I would just skip it, but since the nurses won't let me proceed with a fresh cycle without it, I'm going to have to suck it up and do it.

6DP6DT - Chicken

Just call me a chicken.

I don't know if I have the guts to test today.  I want so badly for this to be positive and I don't know if I'm sufficiently prepared for the disappointment if it's not.  The two times I have gotten a positive, I had waited long enough in the cycle to reasonably assume that it could/should be positive, but today is only 6 days past transfer and 11 DPO.  Signs of AF sometimes show up this early, but not always.

I was planning on going for a run either way (I'm so ready for some exercise!), so maybe I'll be able to talk myself into it.

Wow, I didn't think I'd be so scared of the negative...and have so much hope for the positive.

5DP6DT - Still holding out

It's 5 days past transfer and I am happy to say that I have been able to hold out on testing.  It's not that I don't want to test, but I don't want the agony of the uncertainty if it's negative and I test early.  That has never worked out for me.  I'll be working from home tomorrow, so if I can stomach having an answer, I will most likely do it then.

My mom's birthday is today, so we're going to head over to my parents' house tonight for dinner.  It's always a good thing to be away from the bathroom cupboard and not have to exert any self-discipline.  :)

On the symptom watch, things are still the same...I've got cramping off and on.  It seems like that's a good thing.  I haven't had any symptoms that indicate that this hasn't worked, but it's only 10 DPO, so I can't place much stock in that either.  One thing that's different from my other Clomid cycles is that I'm taking progesterone supplements.  I've never done that before so it could be skewing what I'm feeling.  I'm not sure how/if that will impact the next few days.  On my injectable IUI cycles and the fresh IVF cycles, I had break-through bleeding every time, so I think that if AF is going to come, she's not going to be stopped by some measly little suppositories.

I guess I'll know soon enough.  In the meantime, I continue to wait...and hope.

3DP6DT

There's not a whole lot going on around here in my little world of the one week wait, but I thought I'd post anyway.

We had a quiet weekend and I took it easy again today.  I'm trying hard to not work out until I test...just in case it helps.  Thankfully, it's much easier during this frozen cycle since it's only a week of not exercising, compared to the two and a half weeks of the down time that I had to take during the fresh cycle.  I think I'll manage okay, but we'll see.  Worst case, I'll hit the pool or put my bike on my trainer in a few days.

Symptom-wise, I've got the usual minor off and on cramps that I would expect for 8 DPO and have no idea which way this will go.  And honestly, my interpretation of 2WW symptoms over the years leave a lot to be desired!!

I was originally planning to work from home Tuesday, but then remembered the internal struggle with the pee sticks in the cupboard I had during my fresh cycle and decided that I would be much better off going in to the office tomorrow!  Tomorrow is too early for my comfort to test, but maybe Thursday or Friday.  Stay tuned.....

And now we wait

Today was transfer day and my embryo is back with me...hopefully for a good long time.

I woke up pretty early this morning and was able to get in a nice run.  I wasn't nervous about the transfer itself, but I definitely had some apprehensions that maybe the embryo wouldn't survive the thaw.  It would have been terrible if my only frozen embryo didn't make it.  Luckily, 100% of it survived.

So now I wait.  Beta is scheduled for the 14th.

I took it easy today, hanging out on the couch with my laptop...and plan to do much of the same tomorrow.  I didn't think I believed that being active makes any difference, but if this cycle fails, then I'm on to IVF #2, and I'd like to avoid that if possible!

Green light

We decided to change our travel plans for last week, so I pushed out my monitoring appointment one day to Friday to give my body one more day to increase the uterine lining.

Thankfully, things turned around and everything looked good, so I triggered Friday night and am scheduled for transfer Friday morning.  I am so relieved that we didn't have to cancel this cycle.

A couple things that have been on my mind about this cycle...
- The decision of whether to try naturally in addition to transferring the embryo.  That was much tougher than I had thought.  I had originally thought that of course we should try to increase our odds of getting pregnant, but my doctor also pointed out that if I got pregnant, there could be multiples (not likely, but possible), and I wouldn't have the reassurance that the embryo was chromosomally normal.  We went back and forth on this, but in the end decided to trust in the cycle as it was planned.  Fingers crossed that the embryo makes it through the thaw....

- At my appointment on Friday, I realized how lucky I've been that my doctor or her partner have done all my ultrasounds.  A doctor walked in saying that she was Dr. XXX and that she would be doing the ultrasound.  She was clearly an amateur.  She zoomed in too far on the lining (the focus of the appointment) to get an accurate measurement and couldn't seem to get a good look at anything.  I swear, she probed for so long that I was actually sore that night!  I hope that this was a one time thing and that the clinic is not changing to a model where the experienced RE's take more of a hands-off approach.  It was not an issue in the end because the RE came in and helped her out, but there are just some times when I don't want to be a guinea pig!

So it's back to work tomorrow.  We've been off for a week and a half and are not ready to go back.  I've been sleeping in a lot and I really hope I can coax myself out of bed for a run when the alarm goes off....  Time to go to bed so I can increase the odds.  Happy New Year!