Setbacks

I went in for my baseline ultrasound this morning and the doctor found a cyst.  Cycle cancelled.  Argh! 

I had expected a cyst last month (I had several after my very first cycle of injectables a few years ago), but I was able to continue with one enlarged follicle.  I just figured that my body had figured out how to deal with the drugs and that I wouldn't have a problem today.  It was not to be.   The cyst was 42mm.

Everything else looked good.  Lining was 3.8 and I had 14 antral follicles on the right side and 10 on the left.  Not bad for some old ovaries.

We talked about next steps and whether/how long it made sense to continue down the IUI with injectables path.  We talked a bit about IVF and the pros and cons of it vs IUI.  It's definitely food for thought and I'm sure I will spend a good amount of time thinking about this in the next few weeks.  For now, though, I will let the seed just sit in the back of my mind so I can think about what we want and what we are willing to do.

Back at it

Wow.  It's been 2 1/2 years since I've posted on my blog.  Just...wow.  It's amazing that here I am, in a similar place that I was in three years ago...wanting a baby and needing help.

Sure, having two kids makes it a different situation.  In many ways...and for many people...a family of four is perfect.  And we, too, are a happy family of four.  Munchkin is 4 1/2 and Mini Munch just turned two a couple of weeks ago.  Things are good.  But for some reason, I have this idea that our family is meant to be a family of 5 (plus canines).  And luckily my husband wants the same. 

So here we are.  Here I am.  CD1 was yesterday.  I've been back to the RE and I just completed my second cycle on injectables.  I also did an unmonitored clomid cycle in May/June with some leftover pills.  No luck yet.  The doctor says my situation is very hopeful.  Ovarian reserve is good.  And my body is still crazy sensitive to the Follistim.  Now it's just a matter of my body putting all the pieces together in a cycle.

I hope this turns out to be a short adventure.  :)

Spotting

Thanks for the advice on the leftover meds.  I'm still not sure what to do.  My desire is to give them to someone whose insurance doesn't cover meds and to save them a few/several hundred bucks.  My latest thought is to contact a few local bloggers who I follow and see if they have any contacts who might need them.  If not, I might just go ahead and donate them to the "learn how to become a junkie" class.

Anyway, all still seems to be mostly well.  I woke up this morning to a bit of brown spotting and saw it again a little while ago in conjunction with some mild cramping.  I checked my log from my first pregnancy and discovered that I also experienced some spotting for a day during my 8th week, so hopefully it's nothing to worry about.  If it gets worse or is still here tomorrow, I'll call the clinic, but other than to get some reassurance from an ultrasound, I really don't think there's anything they can do for me at this stage of the game.

Sorry I've been an absent commenter.  My husband was out of town at the beginning of the week and I was (shockingly!) too tired to turn on my computer after my parenting duties were done for the night!

What to do with the leftovers?

Now that I've seen some evidence that this pregnancy is progressing, I'm allowing myself to start thinking about what to do with my leftover meds.  I have an unopened cartridge of Folli.stim, an unopened Ovi.drel syringe (because I didn't trigger last month), and a box of the Endo.metrin suppositories.

When I spoke with one of the nurses at my clinic, she told me that I could donate the Foll.istim and Ovi.drel for one of their injection classes, but that they cannot accept a donation of the meds to redistribute.  Understood.  I'm all for helping people learn to give themselves injections, but I've read enough blogs to know that there are a lot of people out there who are strapped to pay for their treatment and it would be really great to help someone out.

I asked my doctor about this at my appointment yesterday and she said that she can't take it back but that some people have gone on the internet to find someone to give their medication to.  My only concern is that I think it's illegal to give prescription medication to someone else and I'm not sure how much I want to advertise this.

Unfortunately, I don't know anyone personally who is currently undergoing treatment, and the few posts I've seen about this on the local parents' group have received no responses.

Do any of you have any thoughts on this?

Ultrasound

I just got back from the doctor and everything looks good.  We saw a heartbeat and the baby measured at 6 weeks 2 days, which is a day or two behind.  Next up: follow up ultrasound in two weeks, and then I go back to my OB.

Let it go

Okay, so yesterday I was all proud of myself for taking accountability for myself and how I think, blah blah blah.  Of course it would be the same day that I was patting myself on the back for a job well done when I got angry and hurt over something one of my friends said.

A few of my friends (ones that know we've been trying to get pregnant since last spring) are interested in heading up to the snow for some sledding with their kids.  Since we went up last week, I emailed out a quick report about where we went, etc.  Friend M wanted to know whether we were planning on sledding or snowboarding, so I replied that we were only planning on sledding (our daughter is too young for the slopes).  Then Friend A sent me an email asking if there was a hidden meaning *wink* *wink* to my email saying that I was only planning on going sledding.

There was NO hidden meaning.  Okay, yes, I'm pregnant, but wow, it really offended me that she would ask so coyly whether I am pregnant.  She knows we've been trying with help for several months.  And I haven't talked to her much about this, so maybe she doesn't know details about the treatments, but still I would expect her to understand that the process can be very painful and frustrating while you're going through it. And if you want to find out what's going on, this is NOT the way to do it. 

What bothers me the most is that I just couldn't let it go.  I replied to the email with a clipped "What? No." response, but I could not stop thinking about what she said.

So why am I so sensitive about this?  I really want to know.  I realize that I am totally overreacting, but it's obviously still bothering me if I'm writing about it a day later.  When I found out I was pregnant, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and I thought I would easily merge into the land of the normal fertile population.  My focus shifted a bit and I set my sights on the upcoming ultrasounds.  But this...this threw me for a loop.  Why would it bother me so much that someone I've known for 18 years makes an innocent (and hopeful) comment?

Ugh, sounds like it's time for some introspection.

Happy New Year

Okay, I'm a few days late, but since work doesn't start until tomorrow, I feel like I can do a quick new year post. 

I wasn't going to do any 2009 reflections but when I was reading the posts over the past couple of days, it caused me to spend a few minutes to take stock of 2009. 

It's kind of funny because the first thing that jumps to mind is obviously fertility related, but I'll let that go because there's so much more to life than that.  And I'm not just saying that because my hail mary cycle was successful.  When I look back, I think the thing that I want to hold on to is the conscious decision I made a few weeks ago to take accountability for myself and not let my life be dictated by these treatments.  I need to be balanced and live my life such that I won't look back and regret any decisions I made.  This is something that I can use forever.

Anyway, that's all the reflecting I'll do for now.  After all, there are 101 things I need to take care of before I head back to the office tomorrow.  BOO!