I have been playing phone tag with the nurse for three days now. She has only called in the afternoon, and the one time she did call when I was free, she called at my desk phone. I asked if I could call her back from my cell phone (because who really wants to talk about IVF in a cube in the middle of an open air office space?! Not me.) and in the 60 seconds it took me to call back, she was busy with another patient. Doh. It's a good thing I have a couple of weeks to work on this.
In the meantime, I'm still vacillating a bit on the plan, but when I read things that remind me that I'm 39, I think, "Holy cow, that's old. Get on this baby-making thing!"
But for now, it's a holiday weekend and we're heading up to the mountains with some friends. I'm so excited. I can't remember the last time we went away on a holiday weekend. I swear, it has to have been 10 years. Yes, I'm a bit of a home body, but this little getaway will be great...as long as I can pack quickly!
Have a great one!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Decisions, decisions
My brother's wife gave birth to their first baby this afternoon. Wow. There's nothing quite like holding a brand new baby to make you want one of your own NOW! If it hadn't been after 5PM when I first held him, I probably would have excused myself from the hospital room so I could call my RE's office and sign up for IVF!
After having babies on my mind pretty much all day, I have decided that I do want to make sure to fit in an IVF cycle in this year, but I also want make sure that I have more than one chance to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I need to find out whether there is enough time to fit in both a fresh cycle and a frozen one before the lab closes. If not, I think I'll do one Clomid IUI cycle before IVF. And if both those fail, I'll try to get on the frozen cycle as quickly as possible next year. I won't think about what happens if both the IVF and FET fail. I can't process that right now.
I know that I sound like I'm rushing to fit in these cycles, but I turn 39 in a few days and I feel such pressure to get pregnant asap. For some reason I set an invisible goal of having this baby before I turn 40. Not smart. I know I need to change the rules for myself and cut myself some slack, but I just can't do that right now. Soon, hopefully.
In the meantime, though, I have a tentative plan. How am I feeling? Happy to have a plan and interested to see where things go once I have more information. And secretly hopeful that somehow I get to be one of those incredibly lucky people who get the surprise BFP in that last cycle before IVF. Fingers crossed for now.
After having babies on my mind pretty much all day, I have decided that I do want to make sure to fit in an IVF cycle in this year, but I also want make sure that I have more than one chance to get pregnant before the end of the year, so I need to find out whether there is enough time to fit in both a fresh cycle and a frozen one before the lab closes. If not, I think I'll do one Clomid IUI cycle before IVF. And if both those fail, I'll try to get on the frozen cycle as quickly as possible next year. I won't think about what happens if both the IVF and FET fail. I can't process that right now.
I know that I sound like I'm rushing to fit in these cycles, but I turn 39 in a few days and I feel such pressure to get pregnant asap. For some reason I set an invisible goal of having this baby before I turn 40. Not smart. I know I need to change the rules for myself and cut myself some slack, but I just can't do that right now. Soon, hopefully.
In the meantime, though, I have a tentative plan. How am I feeling? Happy to have a plan and interested to see where things go once I have more information. And secretly hopeful that somehow I get to be one of those incredibly lucky people who get the surprise BFP in that last cycle before IVF. Fingers crossed for now.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Some answers
Thanks for all your thoughtful comments as I make my way through this roller coaster
A few of you asked some questions and although they were probably rhetorical, I think I'll still answer them anyway. :)
What did my doctor recommend?
While I haven't specifically asked that question, she's always said that my situation is "very hopeful" and has thought that I could have gotten pregnant on my first two cycles. I have asked her a few times what choices other patients make, and she says that some like to go to IVF right away because they don't want to wait and want to increase their odds of getting pregnant now.
She has hinted that IVF would provide us more control since with the IUI, you just don't know what is failing in the process. My body is extremely sensitive to the Follistim so I think she would prefer IVF so she wouldn't have to be so careful about developing too many follicles while stimming.
She also knows that a multiple pregnancy would not be good for me. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension with both my pregnancies, so I would worry about having twins. IVF with single embryo transfer would be a good way to limit that possibility to whatever chance there is of having identical twins.
With all that being said, I think she thinks I can get pregnant without IVF. As she puts it, "it's a matter of the right sperm meeting the right egg". So it really comes down to what's most important to me and what I'm willing to do.
What would I regret more: having two failed Clomid cycles and having to wait until 2013 to do IVF or jumping into IVF and having a BFN and then going back to Clomid and getting a BFP? Would I regret the money spent on IVF?
I'm extremely lucky that my insurance will cover the IVF, so I have been able to keep the money aspect of this decision out of the picture. If I had to pay for this out of pocket, I honestly don't know what I would do. I can't even imagine having to add that to the equation!
The part of Clomid that is so appealing to me is that I can almost pretend that I got pregnant normally, but with IVF, I will invest to much time plus physical and emotional energy, a BFN would mean so much more than a Clomid BFN.
So what would I regret more? Hmm, still working on that.
Does my clinic require a Clomid challenge test as part of the protocol?
No, it sounds like they will let me jump right into BCPs when AF arrives in a few weeks.
So if I go for it, it means is that I would basically have one chance to get pregnant from August through the end of the year. Talk about pressure.
So...how am I feeling now? A bit frustrated with myself for not thinking this through before and anticipating the cancelled cycle. If I had been ready to make the jump as soon as we found the cyst, I bet I could have saved a month and started BCPs right away. As it stands now, I am benched this cycle and then would be on BCPs next month. Bummer. I know I can't dwell on what's already happened. I expect that I will call the nurse back to discuss some potential dates.
Does anyone know...if an IVF fails, how quickly can you turn around and do an FET? I'm just wondering if I went for it and was lucky enough to have some embryos to freeze, would I be able to squeeze an FET in before the lab closes for the holidays?
A few of you asked some questions and although they were probably rhetorical, I think I'll still answer them anyway. :)
What did my doctor recommend?
While I haven't specifically asked that question, she's always said that my situation is "very hopeful" and has thought that I could have gotten pregnant on my first two cycles. I have asked her a few times what choices other patients make, and she says that some like to go to IVF right away because they don't want to wait and want to increase their odds of getting pregnant now.
She has hinted that IVF would provide us more control since with the IUI, you just don't know what is failing in the process. My body is extremely sensitive to the Follistim so I think she would prefer IVF so she wouldn't have to be so careful about developing too many follicles while stimming.
She also knows that a multiple pregnancy would not be good for me. I developed pregnancy induced hypertension with both my pregnancies, so I would worry about having twins. IVF with single embryo transfer would be a good way to limit that possibility to whatever chance there is of having identical twins.
With all that being said, I think she thinks I can get pregnant without IVF. As she puts it, "it's a matter of the right sperm meeting the right egg". So it really comes down to what's most important to me and what I'm willing to do.
What would I regret more: having two failed Clomid cycles and having to wait until 2013 to do IVF or jumping into IVF and having a BFN and then going back to Clomid and getting a BFP? Would I regret the money spent on IVF?
I'm extremely lucky that my insurance will cover the IVF, so I have been able to keep the money aspect of this decision out of the picture. If I had to pay for this out of pocket, I honestly don't know what I would do. I can't even imagine having to add that to the equation!
The part of Clomid that is so appealing to me is that I can almost pretend that I got pregnant normally, but with IVF, I will invest to much time plus physical and emotional energy, a BFN would mean so much more than a Clomid BFN.
So what would I regret more? Hmm, still working on that.
Does my clinic require a Clomid challenge test as part of the protocol?
No, it sounds like they will let me jump right into BCPs when AF arrives in a few weeks.
So if I go for it, it means is that I would basically have one chance to get pregnant from August through the end of the year. Talk about pressure.
So...how am I feeling now? A bit frustrated with myself for not thinking this through before and anticipating the cancelled cycle. If I had been ready to make the jump as soon as we found the cyst, I bet I could have saved a month and started BCPs right away. As it stands now, I am benched this cycle and then would be on BCPs next month. Bummer. I know I can't dwell on what's already happened. I expect that I will call the nurse back to discuss some potential dates.
Does anyone know...if an IVF fails, how quickly can you turn around and do an FET? I'm just wondering if I went for it and was lucky enough to have some embryos to freeze, would I be able to squeeze an FET in before the lab closes for the holidays?
Saturday, August 25, 2012
See-saw
Ugh, I wish I were more decisive (and less analytical...and more confident in my decisions...and less compelled to be the devil's advocate. The list goes on!).
I had almost convinced myself that one or two more Clomid cycles was the way to go before jumping into IVF, but then I was reading some blogs from people who have been through IVF (this is so helpful!) and I realized that maybe I should just go for it. If I try to sneak in a Clomid cycle or two, I won't be able to get to IVF before the end of the year. I'll be out of town the first week of November, in a class the last week of November, and then the lab is closed the last half of December, so I will probably miss the cut-off for starting an IVF cycle. I should check on that, but it doesn't look good for a mid November start.
Plus, will I just feel stupid if I go for Clomid and I end up with two more BFNs? Or will I be happy that I was able to cycle two or three more times this year vs. 1 with IVF? I'm not even sure if I'd be able to fit in two cycles if I go with IVF.
Just...Ugh!
So how am I feeling now? Confused!
I had almost convinced myself that one or two more Clomid cycles was the way to go before jumping into IVF, but then I was reading some blogs from people who have been through IVF (this is so helpful!) and I realized that maybe I should just go for it. If I try to sneak in a Clomid cycle or two, I won't be able to get to IVF before the end of the year. I'll be out of town the first week of November, in a class the last week of November, and then the lab is closed the last half of December, so I will probably miss the cut-off for starting an IVF cycle. I should check on that, but it doesn't look good for a mid November start.
Plus, will I just feel stupid if I go for Clomid and I end up with two more BFNs? Or will I be happy that I was able to cycle two or three more times this year vs. 1 with IVF? I'm not even sure if I'd be able to fit in two cycles if I go with IVF.
Just...Ugh!
So how am I feeling now? Confused!
Friday, August 24, 2012
More information!
Wow, I'm beginning to bore myself with all this IVF information and introspection, but I know it needs to be done for me to make a decision. The nurse called me again yesterday afternoon. Apparently after we got off the phone the other day, she sent a note to my doctor to ask if she would put together a protocol for me...and she did. Sweet! So now I can cancel that appointment in a couple of weeks because I have most of the information I was looking for.
So what did I find out? She would put me on the long IVF protocol (it sounds pretty standard) with 25 days of BCPs, a hysteroscopy (boo!), 125 IU Follistim, and other details I don't recall. She started giving me information about dosing of Lupron and Menopur, but I didn't catch all the details.
She's going to have the insurance coordinator call me so that I can get confirmation on what my insurance covers. I do hope that it's mostly covered so that I can continue to base my decision on my level of comfort of one treatment vs. another.
How am I feeling now? Still leaning towards Clomid for one or two cycles. I've pretty much closed the door on IUI with injectables, so obviously the IVF is still on the table either now, or in a few months. I just need to look at a calendar to see if this will impact ability to immediately proceed with IVF if they fail....
So what did I find out? She would put me on the long IVF protocol (it sounds pretty standard) with 25 days of BCPs, a hysteroscopy (boo!), 125 IU Follistim, and other details I don't recall. She started giving me information about dosing of Lupron and Menopur, but I didn't catch all the details.
She's going to have the insurance coordinator call me so that I can get confirmation on what my insurance covers. I do hope that it's mostly covered so that I can continue to base my decision on my level of comfort of one treatment vs. another.
How am I feeling now? Still leaning towards Clomid for one or two cycles. I've pretty much closed the door on IUI with injectables, so obviously the IVF is still on the table either now, or in a few months. I just need to look at a calendar to see if this will impact ability to immediately proceed with IVF if they fail....
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Baby Steps
I called the clinic on Tuesday and spoke with one of the nurses, and I'm very glad I did.
The nurse was very patient and spent a lot of time answering my questions. She reviewed the general process, which I mostly knew, and mentioned that I would need to take a class and sign a bunch of consents. However, there were a couple of answers that she gave me that left me scratching my head.
She made a comment that we would review the schedule and make sure that the dates would work because there would be frequent monitoring appointments while stimming and I would need to be in town. She said that the entire process from BCPs to pregnancy test was 6 weeks. Does that sound right? I thought you took BCPs for 3 weeks. Is is really only three weeks from starting to stim through beta only three weeks? I don't know. I'm confused. I think I need to do some more research.
I also asked about exercise limitations. I have always used exercise to reduce my stress levels (good thing since they are often high!), so I want to make sure that my expectations are set up front. I can't imagine that going through this will not be stressful, especially when thoughts of failure start to creep in. She said that exercise will need to be stopped after the 4th day of stimming. Okay, that makes sense. Running around with huge ovaries presents a big risk for torsion. When I asked what to expect if I get pregnant, she gave me the textbook "keep your heartrate under 140" and don't exercise until you're out of the first trimester. I asked if that's because the ovaries will be enlarged and she just said that the most risk to a pregnancy is in the first trimester and that you don't want to do anything to endanger the pregnancy. I get that. I really do. However, I know that it's okay to exercise during a normal pregnancy, so if I'm going to not exercise, I would expect that it's due to a difference between a normal pregnancy and an IVF one, rather than just a general concern about the first trimester (because people exercise through a normal first trimester all the time). Again, I need more info....
The current plan is to meet up with my RE in a few weeks to get her take on a proposed plan and protocol and get some more questions answered. We'll see how that goes and how I feel about making the jump.
How am I feeling right now? A little bit anxious and like maybe I should try a Clomid cycle as a last ditch effort. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I wish the answer was more clear to me. Deep breath and take one baby step at a time....
The nurse was very patient and spent a lot of time answering my questions. She reviewed the general process, which I mostly knew, and mentioned that I would need to take a class and sign a bunch of consents. However, there were a couple of answers that she gave me that left me scratching my head.
She made a comment that we would review the schedule and make sure that the dates would work because there would be frequent monitoring appointments while stimming and I would need to be in town. She said that the entire process from BCPs to pregnancy test was 6 weeks. Does that sound right? I thought you took BCPs for 3 weeks. Is is really only three weeks from starting to stim through beta only three weeks? I don't know. I'm confused. I think I need to do some more research.
I also asked about exercise limitations. I have always used exercise to reduce my stress levels (good thing since they are often high!), so I want to make sure that my expectations are set up front. I can't imagine that going through this will not be stressful, especially when thoughts of failure start to creep in. She said that exercise will need to be stopped after the 4th day of stimming. Okay, that makes sense. Running around with huge ovaries presents a big risk for torsion. When I asked what to expect if I get pregnant, she gave me the textbook "keep your heartrate under 140" and don't exercise until you're out of the first trimester. I asked if that's because the ovaries will be enlarged and she just said that the most risk to a pregnancy is in the first trimester and that you don't want to do anything to endanger the pregnancy. I get that. I really do. However, I know that it's okay to exercise during a normal pregnancy, so if I'm going to not exercise, I would expect that it's due to a difference between a normal pregnancy and an IVF one, rather than just a general concern about the first trimester (because people exercise through a normal first trimester all the time). Again, I need more info....
The current plan is to meet up with my RE in a few weeks to get her take on a proposed plan and protocol and get some more questions answered. We'll see how that goes and how I feel about making the jump.
How am I feeling right now? A little bit anxious and like maybe I should try a Clomid cycle as a last ditch effort. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I wish the answer was more clear to me. Deep breath and take one baby step at a time....
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Welcome ICLW
Welcome ICLW'ers! I'm Shelley. I've recently returned to the IF blog world as I am attempting to get pregnant and am contemplating upping the ante and taking the IVF plunge.
I have two children and it took me a long time (and a bit of help) to get pregnant with each of them. This time around I've done one Clomid cycle and two injectable IUI cycles. I am on the bench this month with a cancelled cycle due to a cyst on my right ovary.
Sometimes I hesitate and wonder if maybe this isn't the right community since I already have two kids, but I've found that going through IF is still a difficult thing to endure and as I wade my way through my feelings about IVF, it is so helpful to read about others' experiences. I am a strong believer that knowledge is power.
Thanks for stopping by!
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