I've been outed!

Ha!  Actually, I outed myself.  And I'm only outed about the blog.  And only to my husband.  I didn't want to keep this a secret from him.  So I guess I'm still mostly in the closet!  Phew!

I have been thinking about the tell/don't tell decision quite a bit recently (not much of a surprise since I named the blog "closet infertile"!).  I've recently read some blogs whose authors are strong proponents of telling people about their infertility so they can reap the benefits of support from their friends and family.   I totally get it and sometimes wish I didn't always answer the "So when are you going to have another one?" question with my standard vague "Oh, sometime...." or "She's not even two yet!" answer.

This IF thing is such a personal struggle for me and it's hard having to talk about it every time I see someone that I've told.  I think I also have trouble with telling people because I perceive my IF as a failure of sorts and I don't want to admit this vulnerability to many people.  

I went on a girl trip with my college friends in June.  This mini vacation came at the end of my first cycle on Clomid and I was so sure I was pregnant that I told them so I didn't look like an idiot begging off our post-hike hot tub soaking.  On the one hand, I truly appreciate their support and I feel comfortable telling them what I'm going through (they are amazed that I've survived the needles!), but the subject always comes up every time I see one of them so I need to be prepared to talk.  Of course I try to be positive about my outlook, but this is a difficult journey to be on.  And it's not like I've had good news to report yet!  I just don't know if this is something that I could sustain with a larger group of people.

For now I think I'm going to keep the circle small and depending on how long this goes on, I'll tell people if and when I'm ready.  And if I'm lucky, I'll get pregnant soon, and I can tell them about my experiences in the past tense. 

Wish me luck....  :)