OMG, I am not in a good place.
Tonight will be shot #8 of Lupron. I am quick to snap at people. This was expected. Work is seriously stressful. I was hoping to avoid this. I had a 1:1 with my manager this morning. I brought up my workload among some other things and the best he could offer me was "Don't worry". Don't worry? Seriously. I feel like my work must be trivial because if it weren't, perhaps he would have helped me walk through some solutions, rather than give me a verbal "there, there" pat on the shoulders and tell me not to worry.
Or maybe he's right. Why am I staying up late, sacrificing time with my family, and getting stressed over this when I could be happier by doing what I can and saying F#$% it to the rest? But honestly, I just want to be doing something that matters, and while I've known that my manager doesn't really care what I do (he is located in Europe and inherited me and a couple of other people a year and a half ago), it would have been nice if we could have had a conversation about this.
Someone just stopped by my office to touch base on something and asked if I was okay (apparently I don't look okay) and I almost started crying. At work. Ugh. I hate being that person.
So I am flying tomorrow night (with needles) for a girls weekend. I really hope it goes well, but I am so worried it won't. I can just feel that I am not in the best state of mind. When I anticipate conversations, my annoyance is right there on the surface (and it's not even a real conversation!). I don't want to share about my upcoming IVF, although I know that may not be realistic since I can't really hide the meds.
So deep breath. My mind is a mess. My emotions are a mess. I am a mess. But I need to find a way to keep it together.
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It sucks when it feels like a stranger has invaded your own body. Hope this girls weekend is just the break you need!
ReplyDeleteLupron is the worst!!! Sending so many thoughts your way!!
ReplyDeleteLupron is the devil. Hopefully a girls weekend will be exactly what you need to snap you out of your funk!
ReplyDeleteI'm on day 2 of Lupron and I already am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Lupron makes me incredibly sleepy, and forgetful. As for flying with your meds, I had no problem with that when I had to. I got a note from my RE although it was never needed. Nobody even asked me about it, flying either way. I had it all in a ziplock bag and just had to pull it out of my carry on. I was flying In a large group and nobody even paid attention to it. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOf course, now that I wrote that, I realize it would be after the fact. Hope it went okay.
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