CD1

Here I am again at CD1 "enjoying" the free tampons at work.  Originally I was pretty matter of fact about AF's arrival.  After all, this is par for the course, right?  I start my cycle, I stim, I have a couple of nice follicles, I trigger, IUI, I wait, I hope, I start seeing anti-pregnancy symptoms, I prepare for the inevitable, repeat. But now it's just getting me down, because once again my life and cycle monitoring are in conflict with one another.  And it just sucks.

I called the clinic this morning to report CD1 and discuss my options since I will be out of town next week.  It's not looking good at all.  The nurse who was rather skeptical about doing a Clomid cycle after being on injectables.  She kept saying "well, there's a reason the doctor put you on injectables." Uh, yes, that reason is that I had requested to be more aggressive in my treatment.  And then she felt the need to remind me multiple times that an injectable cycle requires more monitoring.  What a surprise.  I had NO idea!  I mean, seriously?  Why else would I suggest a treatment progression that is out of the norm?!  Wouldn't you suspect that I am trying to come up with alternatives because I know that an injectable cycle isn't realistic when I will be out of the country for work without my husband on days eight through thirteen (and my IUIs have been on days 11 and 12)???? 

Deep breath.....

We also talked about doing IVF (yes, still scary), but the lab will be closed between 12/24 and 1/2, which means that it really doesn't make sense to start on bcp's now because that would put me in a really long holding pattern.  I know I need to read up on IVF protocols to see what all is involved in terms of all the different meds, but the bottom line is that it really makes no sense to me to lose a cycle in this process if I can fit one in while the lab is down.

So for now, I'll wait for the call back to see if I can do a Clomid cycle, possibly with IUI depending on how my body responds in the CM department.  The timing of a Clomid cycle would be much better because I wouldn't ovulate until I'm back from Europe (very important!!!)

And then if that doesn't work, I can get started on the bcp's over the holidays and do an IVF cycle in January.

But I'm still frustrated.  And I hate being frustrated about this.
I hate that I get stressed that time just keeps on marching on.
I hate that my inability to get pregnant in 7 months (with help!!) is causing me to have so many work/life scheduling issues.
I hate that the longer this takes, the longer I will postpone getting myself in kick-ass shape to race triathlons and marathons.
I hate not being in control.

So much for that zen attitude I professed two weeks ago.  I think I need to go for a nice long hard run.  Oh yeah, and to breathe.